Before It's Too Late
by xLady-Salvatore-Belikovax
Summary: He didn't believe she ever loved him, he thought she used him all along. Heartbroken, in her own way, Rose decides to make him see just how much he means to her before it's too late. POST-LS, Rose/Adrian. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

**Fandom:** Vampire Academy  
**Pairing:** Rose/Adrian  
**Book:** Post-Last Sacrifice

**Summary: **_Hurting Adrian was the last thing she wanted, but she did when he caught them redhanded by the car. Adrian, heartbroken by her betrayal, goes back to his old life... and Rose can't stand it. He doesn't believe she ever loved him, he thought she used him all along. Heartbroken, in her own way, Rose decides to make him see just how much he means to her before it's too late._

Another VA-story - need to spread the love! ;3

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**Chapter 1**

"I'm afraid for him."

It seemed like our conversations always somehow ended up being about Adrian nowadays. His face, his words, his grief – they haunted me. I dreamt about him, without him, replaying that last scene – the last time we'd talked - in my mind to the point I was afraid that I was beginning to lose it. My mind as his mind.

This had nothing to do with spirit, but nevertheless Dimitri kept arguing that it was just its ugly side effects kicking in. _That's_ what made him go back to his vices, according to him, because Adrian wanted to numb it. It was who he was.

"No, you don't understand." I didn't know how many times I'd said this before, but he just didn't seem to get it into his thick head. "You didn't see him."

"I may not have seen him, Rose," he tried to stay in control, but I know that talking about Adrian – my former boyfriend – wasn't something he was happy about. Especially because it happened every other day. "But that's-"

"Not who he is!" I defended; I could see Dimitri's eyes starting to harden. Just like always. "That's not Adrian anymore."

"You're too stubborn to see it!" he argued. "That's who he _is_."

I flared up at that. "And you're just jealous! You don't care what happens to him, as long as I'm still with _you_."

His eyes narrowed, and his voice was dangerously firm as he said, "This discussion is over."

It so not wasn't.

"Oh, really?" I challenged. "Then maybe so are we."

That took him by surprise at first; I could see it in his eyes. But there was also a sadness and resignation in there that told me that this was something he had thought about, and feared. It broke my heart to see it. His face and posture was still firm though; he tried his best to stay in control.

"You're breaking up with me?"

"I love you," I told him, because I really did. My heart would always beat faster for him. "But I love him, too. And I just can't sit by and watch as he destroys his life because of what _I_ did to him."

"Roza..."

I shook my head slightly, letting out a heavy sigh. "I can't do it, Dimitri."

"What are you going to do?" he said wistfully. I knew his heart was breaking as much as mine was right now. But I had to do something; I couldn't let this happen.

"I'm going to go find him, and I'm going to talk to him."

There was a moment of silence.

"Did you mean it?" he wondered.

I knew what he was referring to. "No." I frowned, knowing my next words wasn't going to please him. "But officially - to everyone else - yes. I can't have that hanging over my head. I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to hurt him. I think he'll easier talk to me if we're not together."

Oh, he hated this. It was so obvious in his dark eyes.

I didn't like it either - I was scared to talk to Adrian after what we both said back then, which was about a month ago now - but it was necessary. I'd begun to realize you couldn't runaway from all your problems, because eventually they'd just come back to haunt you. And my love for Adrian had begun to haunt me, because things didn't end well between us. They ended catastrophic; more than so even. I wasn't even sure Adrian would even consider talking to me ever again after that.

But I had to try.

It hurt me to know I had hurt him so much. I barely saw him around Court – mostly we were avoiding each other – but the few times I had, he looked so broken my insides twisted to the point I felt sick. And every time he'd been more than a little tipsy.

He was drunk. All the time.

I knew Lissa still saw him – she tried to be there for him; help him, comfort him and everything else that shouldn't be necessary – and Christian did, too. He didn't know what to do though, but thankfully he had the sense not to give him a hard time about everything. I knew this because I'd overheard Christian himself saying that it wasn't his area of expertise, and that he felt useless because he didn't do anything to help.

Seeing, and hearing, that he was slowly, but surely, killing himself was something that I carried with me every day. It was weighing down my heart. And I wasn't one to get depressed, but I was starting to see why Lissa had gone as far as cutting before. At least you could control that pain.

I wasn't cutting myself, and I had no intentions of ever doing so, but I understood why someone would do it. My heart ached every time I heard his name, every time I saw him, knowing what I had done to him.

This was all my fault.

I had to make him see how much he meant to me; how much I loved him, and still do.

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_Short chapter... but it's more of an introduction, really, to the story._

You like? :)

Please read & review! Just takes a sec, you know, and it'd mean the world to me :3

PS. _In Search of Peace_ will be updated tomorrow, Saturday! ;D


	2. Chapter 2

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Well, you have no idea how happy I am that the first chapter got such great response! :D Thank you so, so much everyone that read and/or reviewed! So, it's a pleasure to give you this second chapter that will really start the story off, and give you some more insight to how things have been for them since the end of LS. :)

_This chapter starts out right after the first one, meaning Rose & Dimitri are still talking._

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_"Did you mean it?" he wondered._

_I knew what he was referring to. "No." I frowned, knowing my next words wasn't going to please him. "But officially - to everyone else - yes. I can't have that hanging over my head. I don't know what's going to happen, but I don't want to hurt him. I think he'll easier talk to me if we're not together."_

_Oh, he hated this. It was so obvious in his dark eyes._

**Chapter 2**

"I don't expect I can make you reconsider what you're doing?" Dimitri wondered, looking defeated, and I could see just the amount of hurt I'd just caused him in his eyes.

I shook my head slowly. "You don't know him, but _I_ do. And I'm sure, that if I don't do anything soon, he'll be found dead somewhere. And it'll be _my_ fault, Dimitri." I told him, my voice breaking. "And mine alone."

That was what I feared the most, to one day hear that Adrian had overdosed, accidentally or not. Considering his old life-style, the one he'd reverted to about a month ago, it was possible. And it scared me more than anything. It would be as bad as when I'd found out through Mason that the strigoi had made Dimitri one of them. This couldn't go on anymore, I had to save him from himself, before it was too late.

"Roza..." His eyes... those brown, brown eyes... filled with such sadness. It wasn't right either.

"I'm sorry," I sighed. "But I have to do this."

He looked hesitant as he said, "When will you be back?"

"I don't know." I told him earnestly. There was no point in lying, to give him false hope. "I don't even know where he is."

He sighed, turning his head down. "Lissa will know."

I hated seeing him like this. He was supposed to be strong, invincible even, but I guessed love changes people. He wasn't strong all the time, I knew that already, especially not when it came to me.

I walked up to him - his head still hanging - and tried to look him in the eye. "Hey," I said softly, my eyes starting to burn a little from the tears that wanted to escape as I cupped his cheek. "Don't think I don't hate this, too."

He glanced sadly at me. "You will be back, won't you? You will come back?" The 'to me' was implied.

"Of course I will." I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips. "I love you."

The corners of his lips tugged a little. "I love you, too, Roza."

"Don't be sad, okay? I will come back to you eventually - I just don't know when. I have to talk to him first, so he doesn't do anything stupid."

It was still obvious that he really hated this, but what else was I supposed to do? I had to get to him before things went too far, before I couldn't do anything to ease his pain, or mine. Before he was forever clueless regarding my feelings for him, and before I would have to live with the fact that I drove him into madness and possibly suicide - whether it was by his hand or not.

I hugged Dimitri to me, which he responded by holding me closer, before I told him I had to go look for Lissa. He didn't say anything, just nodded that he understood, and then I headed out.

Luck seemed to be with me, because as soon as I exited the housing where Dimitri and I shared a suite, I ran into her.

"Lissa!" I cried, a little startled, but happy that I didn't have to walk around half of Court in order to find her. "I was just about to look for you."

"Oh?" She smiled, but then it faded a little as she took in my appearance. It made me wonder what I looked like. Had my mascara run or something? That was the only explanation I could come up with.

"What's up?" she wondered, worry lacing her words.

"Have you seen-" I paused for a second, my heart tugging uncomfortably in my chest. "Adrian?"

"Oh. Rose," She eyed me sadly, and sighed. "Don't do that. Don't..."

"I need to talk to him, Liss." I told her. "If you know where he is, tell me! _Please_."

"I'm sorry, Rose, but you can't."

"What?" I said, a little confused. "What do you mean I can't? I need to see him, like,_ now_."

She frowned. "Adrian's gone."

"What?" My breathing stopped. Oh, please don't tell me... "What do you mean gone?"

"He left two days ago."

So much for luck.

"What?" I cried, feeling just a little relieved that he was okay enough to travel. "Left for where?"

She frowned. "He didn't say."

Oh, this day was just getting better and better, wasn't it?

"When's he coming back then?" I realized my tone was getting desperate, but whatever - I had to know.

"He didn't know."

_Oh hell no..._

I felt my heart break right along with me. It was hard to keep the tears at bay, but a few escaped despite my efforts. Gasping a little for breath, I felt my hope sink to the ground. To the deepest pit of hell even, because what was I supposed to do now?

Adrian wasn't here at Court anymore, and it didn't seem like anyone knew where he was now. If anyone would have known, it would have been Lissa. And I could tell that she was telling the truth, even if we weren't bonded anymore; knowing someone for so long had it perks. Besides, I'd spent such a long time being attuned to her emotions that I could easily read her now. I didn't have to ask why he had left; I knew very well why he had.

Because of me.

Because of what _I_ did to him.

"Rose...?" Lissa said hesitantly.

I turned to see her watching me worriedly. Her eyes were full of concern, and I'm sure because I usually didn't cry. Sure, I got upset, but I rarely went as far as tearing up over something.

"What's going on?"

"I broke up with Dimitri," I told her, which was a half-truth.

Her expression then actually confused me. I didn't know what to make of it. She did seem a little surprised by it, but then there was something in her eyes that told me she wasn't surprised after all.

"Because of Adrian?" she guessed, a knowing glint in her eyes.

I supposed it didn't come as that much of a surprise to her, or our other friends when they would eventually find out about my break-up with Dimitri, even though they didn't know the full truth behind it. Like how it wasn't for real. For now they needed to believe the lie, and considering certain events, it probably wouldn't be so hard for them to believe it.

It had been about two and a half weeks since mine and Adrian's catastrophic break-up, and Lissa, Christian, Dimitri and myself was sitting at one of Court's many cafés. We were having coffee; well, Dimitri and Lissa were. I had my chai tea and Christian had settled for a simple coke. It was still a little awkward, I supposed, between us, since they weren't so used to seeing Dimitri and I being affectionate towards one another. Our relationship hadn't been public knowledge that long – although, the two of them had known about us for quite some time, they just hadn't _seen_ it.

Everything was perfect. Well, as perfect as things could be all things considered. Lissa and I were talking about Lehigh – well, she was the one who did most of the talking. She was so excited to finally go there, and she told us all about the classes she was going to have – classes I would be attending as well, seeing as I was her near-guard. I wasn't as interested, so I discreetly sipped a little at my tea. In my peripheral view I could see Dimitri smiling politely at her; he wasn't interested either. The only one who actually was, besides Lissa, was Christian. He was happy she would be getting to do something she had wanted for so long. And it was a distraction from Tasha's recent death.

The evidence, and motive, had been more than enough to realize she'd been the real culprit, that she had been the one to murder Tatiana and not me. Besides, her gun-waving and shooting me in front of everyone kind of made her look even more guilty. There was no need for a hearing - she got a trial within the week, where she was found guilty for high-treason and sentenced to death, which was executed right afterwards. And this was about a week and a half ago; her betrayal had clearly left its mark on all of us, but we tried to go on as best we could. Though no one talked about it, much, the effect it had had was still evident.

Then Lissa abruptly stopped talking, which, of course, immediately alarmed me. Just because I wasn't really listening, it didn't mean I wasn't aware of her talking. I looked up only to see her eyes wide – full of sadness and worry – and directed at something behind me.

I turned around in my seat only to see...

Adrian.

And he was drunk.

"Oh my god," Lissa said quietly, a hand clasped in front of her mouth.

I froze.

His brown hair usually was messy, but it had always been styled that way. The way it was now, that wasn't styled. It was just unkempt, uncared for. He didn't seem to want to bother with it anymore. The red and white checkered shirt he was wearing was more than a little disheveled; some buttons were even in the wrong holes, which made one side hang lower than the other.

And his face... his beautiful face... was so wild. There was no other way to describe it. The most significant new feature was probably his slight beard - he obviously hadn't shaved in awhile - but to me... to me it was his eyes that stood out the most. His green eyes, normally full of lazy mischief, were tired. Distraught. Angry.

He was arguing with a guardian that was clearly escorting him away from the scene. Intoxication in public wasn't something that was accepted in our world either, especially not for a royal like Adrian. Things like that wanted to be kept as quiet as possible, though I didn't think this would remain a secret for long.

Even though he was still heavily arguing with the guardian, his eyes managed to find mine. And right then, as we locked eyes with each other, he stopped talking.

I couldn't breathe, and my heart began to beat faster and faster in my chest. I wondered what he saw in my face then, as he quickly looked away – face blank - and began to argue with the guardian again, who I was sure didn't enjoy his current task.

Fuck my life, but they were heading towards us.

"Your Majesty," the guardian inclined his head as he stopped by our table, Adrian in tow. He didn't look like he wanted to be here; his head was turned away. "Lord Ivashkov wishes to speak with you, but considering his... current state..."

Out of nowhere, Dimitri suddenly grabbed my hand.

"No, no. It's okay," Lissa hurried out of her seat, glancing a little anxiously my way before she walked over to Adrian, who I couldn't keep my eyes off. He looked so miserable, it made me feel physically ill.

"What is it?" she asked him, resting a hand reassuringly on his arm, and then the two of them walked away to talk in private. The guardian followed, hovering in the background. I supposed he would escort Adrian back afterward, which I couldn't help but feel grateful for.

When they were out of sight, I turned towards Dimitri. "What was that?"

He looked at me in surprise. "What?"

I jerked my hand out of his. "That! It's bad as it is. You don't have to make it any worse for him."

"Oh, so we're back to that, are we?" he sighed, exasperation coloring his voice.

"Yeah, because you don't listen to me."

"This is hardly the time and place, Rose." He said quietly, firmly, hastily glancing Christian's way. But he wasn't looking at us, he was looking in the direction of where Lissa and Adrian had gone; they were still not in sight. I could tell he was listening to our every word, although he didn't want to. There was just no avoiding it.

"I don't care who hears us, Dimitri!" I snapped. "God, and here I thought that you - of all people - would understand, but apparently you don't."

"Do you really want to have this argument again?" he wondered, and I could see how he was seriously losing his usual self-control. "And frankly, you're right, I don't understand. I don't understand why I can't love you! If you meant me holding your hand, that's because I love you. I love you, Rose! Is there something wrong with that?"

"And you know how I feel!" I cried. "I just don't understand why you choose to ignore it. Is it because you won? You think my feelings for him went away just because we had sex?"

"Rose, that's-"

"Not the point, is it? I told you how I felt about him, back at Jill's house. Do you remember that?" I urged, raising my eyebrows at him. "You should understand then that I just can't let him destroy himself because of me."

"But that's who he was before you, Rose!" Again, he tried to keep himself in control, so he wouldn't lash out like before, but he was so, so close to losing his temper again now. I knew, because we'd argued just that morning about the very same thing - because I'd found a small piece of jewelry that Adrian had gotten for me when we'd first started dating; one of his little casual gifts in order to charm me, which had been part of the dating proposal he'd written up for me. And because of that I happened to mention him, which subsequently set that morning's argument off.

"He partied, he was drunk a lot of the time, and he was with all sorts of women." Dimitri concluded.

"But that's not who he is anymore!" I shook my head at him. "You don't know him like I do."

"Then you obviously don't know him as well as you-"

"That's where you're wrong." I interrupted. "I _do_ know him, and that's not the Adrian I know. He's not like that anymore."

And some time after that Lissa came back, but by then we'd stopped arguing and just sat there fuming in our chairs. Well, I was fuming – Dimitri had put his damned mask on again, and was drinking the last of his coffee whilst I was just glaring at whatever was in front of me, my arms crossed. I didn't have that much control, I couldn't just pretend nothing had happened only moments ago. I could see it in her eyes that she understood we'd been fighting; Christian's relieved expression didn't exactly help. It just made it even more obvious.

Back in the present, instead of actually saying 'yes' to her question whether or not we'd broken up because of Adrian, I resorted to: "I need to talk to him."

She sighed. "Well, I don't know where he went, Rose. I can't help you."

**x x x**

I managed to get a hold of the creditcard company that Adrian used. After a lot of thinking, I figured he might have used the card he'd given me, which I'd later given back to him. I'd remembered the card I'd used in Russia's numbers in case something would go wrong and I had to cancel it – I didn't want anyone, especially not Strigoi, to get a hold of it. They could trace it back to Adrian, who'd fixed me up with the card. And that was the last thing I had wanted, to involve the others in my suicide mission.

I told them I wanted to see the latest transactions and what-not of the card in question – and I was a little more than polite to the woman I was speaking to on the phone. And by polite I mean I threatened her. Eventually she told me what I needed to know, that it had been used recently, and with that information I later booked a flight to Las Vegas, where the latest transaction had taken place.

Just as I hung up the phone, Dimitri walked into our room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me, still looking as sad as before. He had a frown on his face that I didn't like to see.

I knew this was hard for him, especially as I was technically leaving him for Adrian. No matter how much he knew I loved him, it didn't make it any easier. But it wasn't easy for me either, though it didn't seem like he fully understood that.

Before me someone I loved so, so much - and always would, someone who shared the fire I had inside me, someone I would die for, was standing. And then somewhere else in the world I had someone I also loved and would die for, someone who was hurting because of me, someone I needed to be with now. And no matter what I did, either of them would hurt. There was no middle ground, no way to escape it.

With this decision I would be hurting Dimitri, but wasn't it worth it if I managed to ease Adrian's pain? Our relationship was strong, despite our many heated arguments, particularly concerning none other than the guy I was now leaving him for. We had already gone through so much together; we would survive this, too.

"Did you find him?" Dimitri asked, his voice wistful as he closed the door and walked over to our bed and sat himself down.

I frowned. "No. He's left Court."

His usually warm, brown eyes widened in surprise. But he didn't say anything – at first.

"You're going after him, aren't you?"

His voice was full of so much sadness I couldn't bear to look at him, afraid my heart might shatter if I did. God, why couldn't life and love just be easy for once? It shouldn't have to be this hard, hurt this much. It wasn't right. I couldn't even bear to answer him.

"Roza, please..." he sighed after a moment of silence.

I still didn't say anything.

"I'm sure there's another way." he continued, starting to almost sound a little desperate. "You don't have to go after him. Maybe he just needs some time alone."

"You don't get it," I said quietly, my eyes resting on the phone in my hands. "But I can't blame you for not understanding. Well, I shouldn't."

Seeing as I had to go Las Vegas to talk to Adrian, I had to pack some clothes to take with me. I didn't know how long I would be gone, but I figured a week worth of clothes was enough. If I would be staying away longer, I could always get them to do my laundry at the hotel I would be staying at. Maybe I would even have time to go shopping; last time I'd been there we hadn't had time, or even thought about it. It was strange to think that that had only been a couple of months ago, and back then Dimitri had still been Strigoi and Adrian had still been with me. Victor had even been alive, and Lissa had still been the only known Dragomir-princess.

For just a second I wondered where I would have been if Dimitri and the other guardians hadn't found me and Lissa last year, and subsequently brought us back to the Academy. Well, obviously I wouldn't have met either Dimitri or Adrian, and neither of us would have been in this mess now. Lissa wouldn't have gotten together with Christian, and... well, I wouldn't have been a real guardian. I wouldn't have got the promise mark. Things would have been easier for us, but probably more boring. Although, I'd take boring instead of messed up relationships any day. You could do something to easy the boredom; relationships wasn't as easy to fix.

Dimitri sat still on the bed as I got out a suitcase and began to fill it with the few clothes that I actually owned. Standing in front of our closet, I wondered if I should bring any dresses with me. I knew Dimitri wouldn't like it, but I couldn't think about him right now.

"Where is he?" he asked, bringing me out of my reverie, as I took down the black dress I'd worn to the school dance almost a year ago now - the one I knew Dimitri actually liked - from its hanger. His eyes narrowed when he saw what I came back with and was putting into the suitcase beside him. Without a doubt in my mind, a part of his mind was replaying that night in his head now. I did, too.

"Can't say."

"Why not?" he questioned as I walked over to the closet again; my back to him.

"You know why."

"You don't want anyone to follow." he said matter-of-factly, a slight edge to his voice. And he was right, I didn't want anyone to follow me to Las Vegas, especially not Dimitri. Hell, that would have been more than catastrophic. What if he saw me kissing - if it came to that - Adrian? Surely my heart wouldn't be able to handle that. It would be Adrian seeing Dimitri and I by the car all over again, just the other way around.

He didn't say anything else after that, he just watched as I walked back and forth between our closet, emptying it from my clothes, but most of all, my presence. When I was done, and had zipped it close, he reached out and took my hands in his thus making me stand right in front of him. My legs were between his.

He didn't have to say anything; his soft, brown eyes did it for him. He pleaded me not to go, but he understood that I needed to do this. Otherwise I wouldn't be at peace, and I wouldn't be able to devote myself fully to him. He wished I was back already.

"I love you," I squeezed his hands. "Don't ever question that."

He stood up, still holding my hands, which made his body press up against mine. I felt my heart begin to pick up its pace, and my breathing was non-existent, as I looked him in the eyes. One of his hands let go of mine and instead went up to brush a lock of hair behind my ear. Despite his big build, and his stoic nature, he was always gentle with me. Well, apart from in the gym. But even then he probably didn't give me everything he had in him, too afraid he would hurt me in such a way that I wouldn't be able to walk away from it. His build only proved he could do the necessary damage... but here I was, still standing.

"I love you more than my own life, Roza." And then he leaned down to brush his lips against mine, and it made me sad to know this would be the last time we kissed for God-only-knows how long. My eyes began to burn again with tears as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing myself impossibly closer to him. His strong arms came around my waist, one hand even going under my shirt, burning my skin with his warm touch.

Dammit.

Moments like this... I hated when they had to be interrupted. And I knew that I had to get going soon, but when he was holding me like this, kissing me like that, I really didn't want to let go of him. Hell, I would even push for sex - though I don't think he'd argue about that - if I knew I had the time. But that would probably only make it worse - if I was to see Adrian in mere hours, wouldn't he be able to tell what I'd just been doing? Hadn't he said, in the dream-walk we'd had after me and Dimitri had had sex in the hotel room, that my aura was glowing in a way he'd never seen it before?

Yeah, that would have been just great, flaunting my post-coital aura at him again. That would surely make him open up to me.

After awhile of kissing, and some minor fondling, I reluctantly had to pull away from Dimitri. And as I exited his arms it felt like a part of me was being ripped away from me. I grabbed the suitcase off the bed without another word - what was there to be said that hadn't already been? - and grabbed my jacket from the coat-hanger by the door, not being able to take a last look at him, before I closed the door to us with a heavy heart.

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_You like? :)_

Btw, just have to tell you, this song totally makes me think of Adrian :'3

_Gave you all I had_  
_ And you tossed it in the trash_  
_ You tossed it in the trash, yes you did_  
_ To give me all your love_  
_ Is all I ever asked_  
_'Cause what you don't understand_  
_ Is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)_  
_ Throw my hand on the blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)_  
_ I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)_  
_ You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah)_

_ I would go through all this pain_  
_ Take a bullet straight through my brain_  
_ Yes I would die for you, baby_  
_ But you won't do the same_

_ If my body was on fire_  
_ You would watch me burn down in flames_  
_ You said you loved me, you're a liar_  
_ 'Cause you never ever ever did, baby_

~ "Grenade" - Bruno Mars

Gah, I love that song so much! And I've been listening it to a lot when I've been writing this chapter (most of it was written today). I pretty much have it on repeat, along with "F**kin' Perfect" (P!nk), "Bumpy Ride" (Mohombi), "Dip It Low" (Christina Milian) & "A Thousand Miles" (Vanessa Carlton) - for some reason dance-friendly music helps when I write, haha. But... amazing song, ain't it? :)

_Anywho... please take a second and make my day by leaving a lil review! I would love for you to let me know what you thought! :)_

PS. **What do _you_ think will happen? Will she eventually return to Dimitri or will she stay with Adrian? ;) And how do you think Adrian will react to seeing Rose again?**

_Next chapter features: ADRIAN x3  
_


	3. Chapter 3

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

First of all, I'd like to thank you guys so much! Your amazing reviews have totally made my days! So, THANK YOU! x3

I really gave my whole heart - and then some - to that last chapter, which I'm sure you noticed. Man, I was proud - was worthy of a facebook-status^^

Secondly, this chapter has been a bitch to me. A certain character has been quite unwilling to cooperate... gah! Hate it when that happens - she/he just wouldn't talk! So frustrating! x|

_Anywho... enjoy some Rose & Adrian interaction! :)_

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**Chapter 3**

The whole flight took about three hours, and the whole time I kept thinking about what I was going to tell Adrian once I found him. Scenario upon scenario came to mind of how he'd react to seeing me again after everything that had happened. Neither of them began or ended in a good way, because surely he wouldn't take me back into his life that easy again. Not after how badly I had treated him.

But a part of my mind was also thinking about Dimitri. I wondered what he was doing right now, how he was holding up. Considering what time it was, he'd probably gone to sleep. I'd left quite late for us, but early for the humans.

Seeing as we were in Las Vegas and no longer on our own turf, I knew Adrian had reverted to a daylight schedule. More or less anyway. And seeing as Lissa would be going to Lehigh soon - next week actually - I hoped I wouldn't have to stay away that long, since I'd have to go back to work eventually and I wanted to spend some time with Dimitri while I still could. Although, she could get someone else to fill in for me, if I had to stay longer, but I really hoped it wouldn't come to that.

When I would eventually find Adrian, I wasn't going to force him to come back with me to Court. I had no right to do that - he was an adult after all - but I would try to make him come to his senses.

The flight landed and when I got outside, I got a cab to take me to the Luxor, the hotel we'd been staying at last time we'd been here. It surprised me that he was staying here again, but what did I know, maybe he liked it here.

As I reached the reception, I rested my arms on the disc. "Hi," I smiled pleasantly at the female receptionist, who looked to be about Dimitri's age. But she reminded me more of Lissa when it came to looks, as she had strawberry blond hair and green eyes. "Could you tell me what room Lor-, I mean Mr. Ivashkov is in?"

She started typing frantically on her keyboard. "Hm. We have two guests by that name. Which one are you referring to?"

"Adrian Ivashkov."

Another moment of frantic typing. And then it stopped and she nodded slightly. "Yes. He's in room 653. Do you want me to call him up for you?"

"No, no." I shook my head quickly. Goddamn, no. I wasn't ready to face him just yet. "It's fine. You don't have to do that. But could you book a room for one on the same floor?"

The receptionist eyed me for a second, but then she just shrugged. "Sure. What's your name?"

Should I really sign in with my real name? I wasn't so sure, so I settled for, "Marie Ma-"

Was it safe to use the old man's last name?

"-likov." I finished lamely.

"Marie Malikov?"

Damnit. "Yes."

Some more annoying typing, and then she left to get me my key. A moment later, she handed it to me with a kind smile on her face. "Here's the keycard to your room, Miss Malikov. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask any of our staff."

I smiled politely, nodding. "Okay. Thank you."

Later that evening, after I'd ordered some roomservice for dinner, I started to get ready. I started out with a nice, long shower to both get rid of any hints of sweat-like odor and to calm down my nerves. Knowing I might be talking to him within the hour, if he happened to be where I thought he was, was a scary thought. I wondered how he would react when he saw me; what would he do?

I'd brought the little make-up that I owned with me, figuring that it wouldn't hurt to look good and started applying some mascara after I'd pulled on the black dress I'd brought with me. It made me think of Dimitri, but I didn't have much choice. I really didn't own any other dresses what with me and Lissa being on the run and only been able to go shopping once since then, and on that trip I hadn't really had time to look for anything. I'd been on duty for the first time and I'd wanted to impress the other guardians, especially Dimitri.

But as I was making my way downstairs, having decided to check out the hotel's own casino as I knew Adrian liked that kinds of things, I was growing anxious.

Would he yell at me again, or would he give me the silent treatment? I didn't know which was worse.

As I reached where all the slot machines, roulette and poker tables were and all the cheering humans and Moroi played, I started to look around for him. Walking behind them all, trying to spot him, my heart was beating a mile a minute. That is until...

"Excuse me, Miss?"

I turned around only to stand face-to-face with one of the security guards, who was human.

Damn, my reflexes were not good if he managed to sneak up on me like that – or maybe my mind was just entirely elsewhere.

"Oh, hi," I said meekly.

"Are you looking for something?"

"No, well-" I was still looking around, even if he was talking to me, which had to be what the guard was referring to. And as I turned my head again, probably for the fiftieth time, that's when I saw him. On the other side of the room, sitting by the bar.

Adrian.

I think I could spot that mop of hair anywhere, even in a crowd of hundreds of people.

"I just found him." I forced a smile on my face at the guard, before I excused myself and started walking in the direction of my broken heart.

As I didn't want to just surprise him – hell, I had to calm myself down first or else I'd just stand there and stare at him – I decided to hang back. I leaned against one of the walls a close distance from him; I could see him but he couldn't see me. And I could see a guardian nearby keeping a watch over him; I recognized him from Court. He was just a few years older than me, with short black hair. Mark was his name, if I remembered correctly.

Was he Adrian's guardian?

I didn't let the thought linger long, because the sight of Adrian made my heart tug uncomfortably. His appearance was still just as wild. The hair was still untamed but not styled, and he just looked plain defeated. And by the looks of it, he hadn't slept in awhile. He looked world-weary, like he was truly beginning to lose his mind. Like Spirit had finally gotten the best of him.

"Hey," He waved the male bartender over. "Another Paralyzer, please. And make it _strong_." he slurred, dragging the last word out.

The bartender, who I could tell was Moroi, put his hands on the bar disc. "I'm sorry, sir, but I've think you've had enough for the evening."

"No, no," Adrian told him, shaking his head a little. "You know what I've really had enough of?"

The bartender didn't seem to want to bother with him, but seeing as Adrian was royal – especially one from the mighty Ivashkov clan – he indulged him. "No."

"Spirit."

"Spirit, sir?" the bartender wasn't familiar with the term, I could tell. It hadn't been known that long after all, so I wasn't surprised.

"Yeah. It's really not good for anything."

He looked at Adrian with a mix of confusion and disbelief. I had a feeling he thought it was just drunk gibberish, but he still remained diplomatic and polite. "I'm afraid I don't know what Spirit is, sir."

"The worst element you can get!" Adrian told him, leaning over the disc, clearly having had one too many drinks. "Be happy you got air. I'd love to be an air user."

Seeing as he wasn't going to be served any more, he leaned back in his seat again. He was about to leave, I could tell. And so could the bartender.

"Do you want me to call for someone for you, sir?" the bartender wondered, eyeing him carefully.

"No, no." Adrian shook his head again. "I'll be fine."

"I'll take him." I stepped forward, coming to stand next to Adrian.

"Are you sure?" the bartender asked me at the same time as Adrian turned around in his seat, all the color in his face disappearing in an instant when he saw who the bartender had addressed.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he quipped, immediately sobering up some.

I stared him down, trying to ignore my heart beat racing at his close proximity and the fierceness in his eyes. "I could ask you the same thing."

"No. You can't," he deadpanned. "You're the one who followed me here. So, I'll ask again, little dhampir, what are you doing here?"

Was it wrong of me to feel elated that he'd called me 'little dhampir'?

"I wanted to see you. To talk to you." I shot a glance at his guardian, Mark, who looked like he wasn't sure if he should step forward or not. I could tell he recognized who I was, and knew that if anything happened, Adrian would be safe with me. So he decided to stay back in the shadows.

"Oh, really?"

I turned around to face Adrian again, only to see one of his eyebrows rise, a frown settling in on his already marred face. "You're here for some more philosophical bullshit? The last time was well enough, thank you. I don't need any more from you."

He and I mentally bitch-slapped myself at the same time. I had it coming, so I wasn't surprised. "Will you please talk to me?"

"No."

"Why not?" I could hear the slight desperation in my voice.

"Save it for someone who's interested."

"Just give me five minutes," I sighed. "Please, Adrian."

He studied me out of the corners of his eyes for awhile until he eventually resigned, knowing I wasn't going to give up, and left the bar, with me in tow. His guardian followed silently, a polite distance away, behind us.

He wasn't as drunk as the last time I'd seen him, but nevertheless he stumbled a couple of times, which made me reach out to steady him. But he shied away like I was poison, which made me feel even more horrible than I already did.

The Adrian I'd seen around Court this past month wasn't who I was walking beside now – I'd met him when he still lived his old life, in the beginning and before I really got to know him, and he hadn't been like that then. This was a darker version of the man I fell in love with. And to see this change scared me.

I tried to think of something conversational just to ease the tension between us.

"I didn't know you could see what element other Moroi have." I said.

He shrugged; indifferent. "I always have."

We walked in silence for awhile after that, and I hated it. So much tension in the air, but I had it coming. I knew that. I'd been the one who came to him, not the other way around. He hadn't sought me out since our break-up, but now I was here... seeking him out.

I tried to think of something else to say, but all I got was, "What's with the Wolverine-look?"

"What?" he sounded half-bored, half-uninterested, as we walked into the elevator. His eyes focused on everything but me, though the panel that showed which floor we were on seemed to catch his attention the most.

"The beard. You look like Wolverine," In my peripheral view I could tell he was a little confused. "You know, the mutant?"

I heard a small noise - could've been a chuckle - from behind us then and turned to see Mark smiling with his eyes at nothing in particular. He'd found what I'd said funny apparently. But I didn't, and neither did Adrian.

"You came here to tell me I look like a mutant?" he didn't acknowledge his guardian, he just shook his head in exasperation and sighed. And he was still not looking at me. "Only you." he murmured.

"I didn't mean it like that," I sighed, mentally chastising myself for what I'd said. "You know I didn't."

"What did you mean then?"

His whole posture was uninviting; the way he didn't look at me, how set his chin was, how cold his aura was. Maybe I couldn't see it, like he could mine (when he was sober), but the atmosphere around us spoke for itself. He didn't want me here, he wanted me gone. And the realization of that hurt, perhaps more than it should have. I knew I was the intruder here; he hadn't asked for me. He didn't want me in his life anymore.

I didn't answer him, because I didn't know what to say.

"You wanted five minutes," he said as we got to his room, closing the door behind us; leaving us alone, and Mark outside in the hallway. "You've got five minutes. I suggest you don't waste them."

Judging by his appearance and the way he looked at me now, I was certain that he meant it. Five minutes. That's all I had.

He walked over to the nightstand where a bottle stood, and a glass.

"I'm scared for you." I blurted out; his back to me.

"Oh, you're scared for me? That's original." he scoffed as I watched how he poured himself a drink. "And why would that be, Rose?"

I hated how he switched to use my first name instead. It only meant he was angry, and at me. The look in his eyes told me so, too. And I was afraid to say it, but I had to tell him. He had to hear it; he had to see I was telling him the truth. "Because I care about you..." I hesitated for just a moment before I added, "And I love you."

In my best scenario, my dream-scenario, this would have been the moment where his shield came down and he forgave me. Maybe he would have kissed me, said something sweet to me or told me he gave Dimitri and I his blessing and that we could still be friends. But this wasn't a dream, this was real life. And in the real world he just rolled his eyes at me, taking another sip from his drink.

"Yeah, you've said that before." he said with no real emotion in his voice.

I frowned. "What do I have to do to make you see that I'm telling you the truth?"

"Nothing," he shrugged, still so indifferent, before he sat down on his bed; I remained close to the door. "Because you don't."

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling."

"You may not realize it, little dhampir," he said, avoiding to even glance over at me. "But you don't. You're only telling yourself that because I'm drinking again. And smoking. And doing God knows what with whomever is the lucky lady – or ladies - of the night."

I frowned.

"Let me tell _you_ something," he continued, and his eyes finally settled on me. But it wasn't warmth, or any positive vibes he was sending out. They were so, so hard. It hurt to see my flippant, devil-may-care Adrian this way, it wasn't right at all. "This is my life. This was my life before I met you. This is who I am." he paused for just a moment, before he looked down at his drink and added, "This has nothing to do with you."

"I don't believe that."

"Yeah, well I don't care what you think."

"Once upon a time you did," I said quietly; wary. "You stopped for me."

And then he said the thing that I had never expected him to say...

"Because I wanted to get laid, yeah."

Even though I'd thought that in the beginning, when I'd first met him, he showed me how devoted he really was to me after I came back from Russia. He took the time to pick me up at the airport, even though he didn't have to. I could still remember the way he'd looked at me then, with admiration and relief that I was okay. That I came back.

To him.

And he took care of me when I tried to get over Dimitri, when I'd half-given up on ever restoring him to his old self. He never gave up on me once, not until the very end when he'd caught me with Dimitri by the car. The heartbroken man I'd talked to in my room mere days afterward, that had been Adrian. Close to the edge, but still in line. He still had feelings for me then, so he couldn't possibly have let all the feelings he had for me - the love - just disappear now. Not with the way he last spoke to me - he was upset, more than so even, but it was because he felt betrayed. He loved me, and I was sure he still did.

The man I was talking to now, he wasn't _my_ Adrian, so I walked up to him and I slapped him.

He hissed, touching his cheek gently where I'd hit him.

"Don't act like you don't care." I cried, standing in front of him by the bed. "I know you better than that."

"Do you now?" he challenged, glaring at me. "Hmm, well, tell me something that you think would make me care then."

Oh, I had a golden opportunity here. This was my chance to break through the wall he'd built around himself, to keep me out. He let Lissa and Christian in; he had no wall for them. This one was specifically built to shield him from everything else to do with me.

"I broke up with Dimitri."

And this had been where, in my dream-scenario, where he would rejoice - despite the fact it hurt me - and assure me that he forgave me. He would take me into his arms and all would be perfect in the world; he would be happy, I would be happy and we would be able to go on with our lives. With each other. And we would talk, and eventually we would go our separate ways - though remain as friends - and I would return to Dimitri's waiting arms. Life would be perfect.

But this still was no dream, so he just quirked an eyebrow, nothing more. He was still cold in his demeanor. "What?" he said in disbelief.

"You heard me."

"You haven't broken up with Belikov. Isn't he the one who lifts you up where you belong, and makes your heart flutter and all that? I thought you guys were 'meant to be'." He spat the last words, bringing his drink up to his lips.

"We're over."

My heart tugged thinking about him now. Since it was late night now, it meant all my friends at Court, and Dimitri, were awake. I spared a thought to him, wondering what he was doing and how he was, but quickly let it go as the guy in front of me was the present right now. I had a mission here, and I was going to finish it. Otherwise I wouldn't be going home anytime soon.

Adrian rolled his eyes at me again. "Save it, I don't believe you."

"I just flew a couple of hundred miles – to _Las Vegas_ – to tell you that I love you." I told him. "What more proof do you need?"

He seemed to consider that, and in the meantime keeping his mouth shut. I could see that he wanted to say something to contradict me, but he was coming up blank. He didn't want to believe me; it was easier that way.

"I love you, Adrian." I said hesitantly, fearing another lash out from him.

His beautiful green eyes glanced my way warily. I could almost hear his heart beating faster; as was mine. "You don't..." he whispered, starting to lose that wall of his. It was finally coming down a little.

"I _love_ you." I said again, this time with more conviction.

I knew alcohol was dimming his magic, and therefore he had trouble seeing my aura now. I'm sure it was bright red, as in infatuation and love.

_If only he could see it now..._

"Can you see my aura?" I wondered nevertheless, a spark of hope still in my heart.

"Barely." he said, his eyes still afraid to believe that what I was telling him was the truth.

Damnit.

And just as I'd thought I was getting through to him, his eyes hardened once more.

"Stop it." he said coldly, regaining control over himself; no mercy in his eyes. "Don't you think I know you?"

What? I didn't say anything.

"You're Rose Hathaway – superhero guardian. You want to save everyone." he continued, exasperation clear his voice. "That's why you're here. You don't care about me, not really, you just can't help yourself."

I flinched at his words. He might as well have slapped me.

"I'm not a person in need for your assistance, so you can leave now."

"But-" I felt my eyes grow warmer from tears.

"No." He said firmly, getting up from the bed and walking over to the door. "You had your five minutes, more than that even."

Damnit. I could feel my heart beat uncomfortably in my chest as I watched his retreating back.

"Adrian..." I said slowly, following him to the door. "I'm sorry."

He opened it without a word, inclining his head out to the hallway, showing no mercy. Not for me at least. "It's time for you to go, little dhampir."

I didn't want to upset him further, so, feeling dejected, I cast a last glance towards him before I walked passed him. He looked so tired, so ready to just fall apart at any given moment. I had a feeling my visit hadn't helped anything, probably only made him feel worse. And that made me feel even worse about myself and what I had done to him.

How could he make something, like my relationship with Dimitri, feel so wrong?

The slam of the door as I left hurt more than his words had. And as I walked back to my own room, passing his guardian on the way, I couldn't help but feel like I was the worst person alive.

* * *

_Aww... Adrian, love. *sigh*_

Whatcha think of this chapter? Or, well, of this story so far? You like? :)

I know this chapter isn't my best work, so I'll have to excuse that (might edit it again some day), but Lord Ivashkov gave me a hard time - he didn't want to talk to either me or Rose. Can you say frustrating? x|

And the hotel-reception thing... it's been AGES since I was at a hotel, so excuse me if I got anything wrong. I don't travel very much x)

I put up a oneshot a couple of days ago - **The Secret** - which is about Alberta figuring out why Rose dropped out in the end of SK. Feel free to check it out! :)

**In Search of Peace** - or ISOP as short - has been giving me a hard time as well. Male characters are tough! Sometimes they just don't wanna talk to me, which is immensely frustrating. Hopefully that character will ease up around me on Wednesday/Thursday! Yes, unfortunately that update will have to wait a little longer - _I hate it, too! :(_ - because tomorrow's my grandma's funeral and I'll be gone all day. Wednesday - the first half of the day, I will be studying for a test, but later in the evening (Wednesday morning/prenoon in the US) you can most likely expect an update! ;)

Please read & review! Just takes a sec and you'll brighten my day ;3

PS. I have a poll up on my profile -_ Are you Team Adrian or Team Dimitri? _- and Dimitri's got 6 votes so far while Adrian has ZERO.!  
What's up with that?  
So I suggest you go vote and show him some love, because I know I'm not the only one rooting for The Dream Team! ;3


	4. Chapter 4

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a famade story by me.**

I'll have to excuse the long wait for this chapter. To sum the reasons up: My grandma's funeral was the day after the last update, I've been tired - a lot, school's kind of been a bitch, I've updated "In Search Of Peace" (Another VA-story fo mine) twice, and to top that of, I've had writer's block for this story. That pretty much sums up why there's been an absence of a 4th chapter... until now.

So... I'm happy to present to you all... a long chapter of BITL!

_Enjoy! :)_

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I had trouble sleeping that night, and it was no doubt because of my talk with Adrian mere hours earlier. To say things had gone as I'd wanted would be an understatement. Okay, my expectations had been far higher than I should have let them be in the first place. To even think he'd be happy to see me, even remotely so, was stupid of me. Sure, a part of me had been expecting the coldness I got from him, but that had been part of a minority. The majority of me, and my heart, truly wanted to have things back to normal for us; back before Dimitri had been changed back; back when my intentions had been to be solely his until my work took me away.

It didn't mean I wanted Dimitri to be Strigoi again, not at all, but things between Adrian and I had been so easy then. That's what I wanted back, the simplicity. Despite my attempts to bring Dimitri back at the time, I had been Adrian's, and I had wanted to be his. And even if I was with Dimitri now, a part of me still wanted to be with Adrian.

Yeah, I was messed up.

The next day I was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling and just wondering what I was supposed to do now. I hadn't had a real plan for when I'd eventually find him, a plan for what I would say to him. Nevertheless, what I had come up with had backfired last night. For a brief moment there I'd been so, so sure I was getting through to him, that he was listening to what I was saying, but then, just as quickly, he shut himself down again. He became that new, cold-hearted Adrian that I hated to see.

But as I was saying, I was in bed and I wasn't feeling particularly happy because of the night before. And I didn't get any happier when I started hearing knocking on my door either. A part of me didn't feel like answering whoever it was, but I had a feeling about who it could be.

I was still in my pj's – a tanktop and shorts – when I opened the door to see Adrian standing there. He looked a bit more cleaned up, at least compared to the state he'd been in last night, but not much. His hair was still just as messy, and not styled. He still had that weird, little beard of his. But he wore fresh clothes though, and he looked a lot better than the last time I'd seen him around Court. Although, I'm sure his face mirrored mine in the way we were both frowning now.

"Where's Lissa?" he said without delay, walking past me and into my room. "I wanna talk to her."

"She's not here." I dragged a hand through my messy hair as I shut the door behind him.

His back was towards me, and strangely enough, I had an urge to just go up to him and drag my hands up and down his back. It looked so inviting, but I mentally shook the thought of doing it away, because that would surely only make things hell of a lot worse. For both of us.

"Where is she then?" he demanded.

"She's at Court."

He turned around, surprise and confusion mixed together on his face. "Why she's at-?" he cut himself off, frowning, as he realized the situation. "So, you're the only one here?"

"Yes." I told him. "Why?"

He shrugged, the frown still fixated on his face. "I should go." He started walking towards me, but most importantly, towards the door. He was leaving.

"Please, Adrian." I almost pleaded, reaching out to grab his arm. "Stay. Talk to me."

A tiny little shock passed through me as I did it, and I wondered if he felt it, too, as I glanced up at him. But judging by his face, he hadn't. He looked down at where I was holding him, more or less indifferently. His expression didn't soften one bit; if anything, it hardened instead. "Why would I?"

"I'm really sorry about what I did." I released my hold on him, not wanting to anger him further. "About what I said."

He looked a little confused, but his face... his eyes, his chin, his lips... was still set into a frown. "Why would you be? I know you meant them."

"Because-"

"Save it, Rose," he cut me off before I had a chance to explain myself. "You forget that I could see your aura then; I know you meant every word."

"Adrian-" I was starting to feel hopeless here. I wasn't getting anywhere here, especially since he cut me off again.

"No." his voice was so uncharacteristically firm; this wasn't _my_ Adrian, I reminded myself. This person standing right in front me... that wasn't the same man I fell for. He would never act like this. My Adrian didn't hold grudges; he didn't hate me; but most importantly, he didn't look at me like I was something someone had picked up on the street.

He tilted his head back. "God, I need a drink."

Only him. "Is that your solution to everything?" I snapped at him.

"No," he deadpanned, staring at me with almost dead eyes. "Just to you."

And then he passed me, slamming the door shut behind him as he left.

**x x x**

I felt like shit, honestly. Stunned, broken, kind of pissed off. Was there seriously nothing I could do to convince him that what we'd had hadn't been one-sided? He seemed adamant that I was having my "happily ever after" and that he was the only one who was feeling the effects from our break-up. If only he knew that he had been on my lips practically every day since then. That Dimitri and I were fighting over him, because I couldn't let him go. That would surely have made him see things differently.

The memory of our first public fight replayed itself in my mind; Adrian had been so close, and if he had only come back with Lissa, he would have walked in on the same scene that she had. It had been so obvious that we'd fought just moments earlier.

And as that memory ended, our second public fight passed by before my eyes.

We'd been arguing that morning, and it had continued on the way to the restaurant where we were meeting up with Lissa and Christian. They'd asked us the day before if we wanted to have lunch with them, and at the time, things had been good between Dimitri and I.

It had been one of those rare argument-free days, and honestly, that had been the last of my good ones lately. We'd spent the day, more or less, in bed. There had been lots of kissing and other, more adult activities and basically we'd just enjoyed each others' company like any other couple did.

Since we were still at Court, and Lissa hadn't gone off to Lehigh yet, it had been possible. Neither of us had any particular guardian-related assignments. I wasn't Lissa's only guardian now that she was Queen, and Christian was pretty much always wherever she was, so he was constantly guarded as well. Not that Court wasn't the Moroi's most secured place, considering almost all royals resided there. But nevertheless, we didn't have anything else to do, and at the time, Dimitri's arms had been the only place I'd wanted to be in.

How strange that such a day could even exist when we would otherwise be shouting at each other at the top of our lungs. At least, I did. Dimitri always tried to stay cool and collected, trying to reason with me, but eventually he would hit his breaking point as well. To say I wasn't kind of scared of him at those times would be a lie, because he'd never been like this with me before. I must have really been pissing him off.

The beginning of the morning of our argument had been Heaven, which was... well, strange, as I said before, considering what would happen within about two hours. I'd woken up to find myself entangled with Dimitri, and the warmth of his body against mine was just plain amazing. He was still sleeping when I woke up, and as I didn't feel like waking him up just yet – I didn't have the heart to do it; he looked too cute – I just laid there and watched him.

His beautiful face was mere inches from mine, resting peacefully against my upper chest; above my right breast. Even if I didn't want to wake him, I couldn't help but carefully stroke the hair that had fallen into his face away and put it behind his ears.

"Mmm..." He stirred a little, brushing his cheek, nose and lips against my bare skin.

I smiled, continuing to stroke his hair gingerly.

He stirred once more before his eyes popped open, looking just a little surprised. He took in the situation without saying a word though, and before I knew it, his lips brushed the side of my breast more firmly. Once, twice... I could feel how his lips turned into a grin as he did it.

It tickled, even if it felt good in other ways, too, and within short I was laughing. He was kissing his way up my throat, and when his lips eventually found their way to mine... yeah, I wasn't laughing anymore then. Instead I responded, and he soon moved so that he was on top of me instead while he deepened the kiss.

"You didn't get enough yesterday?" I breathed when he broke away to plant kisses underneath my earlobe and along my jawline.

"I'll never get enough of you, Roza." he whispered against my skin; I shivered. God, that little word – my nickname in Russian – spoken by him... especially in that way... yeah, that would always have a certain impact on me. Even twenty years from now, I was sure.

I twisted my hands into his hair, bringing his gorgeous face into view again. His hair had come down again and was hanging loose, framing his features. But it wasn't really his hair that I was paying much attention to... it was his eyes. Those chocolate brown eyes that could pierce right through me and look into my soul. And the way they were looking at me now, so full of eagerness and just pure lust... who was I to say no to them?

And so we picked up right where we'd left off the night before.

So, as you can understand, the morning started off feeling like I was in Heaven. Both of us were in good moods when we eventually got out of bed – according to the clock on my nightstand it was 9:04PM. We were supposed to meet up the others in an hour.

We showered separately, which was probably the most sane thing to do. We'd probably be later otherwise, and sure... Lissa and Christian knew we were together, but we didn't have to flaunt our sex-life, now, did we? She would probably be able to tell what we'd just been doing anyway. Hell, Christian would be able to as well, even if he couldn't see our auras, just by seeing the grin on our faces.

But little did I know that we wouldn't be having lunch with them in good moods. It was quite the opposite, and it all started when I was rummaging through my side of the closet while Dimitri had gone to shower after I finished.

I was only in a towel and was looking for something to wear. Not that I owned that many articles of clothing, but I didn't want to dress like a slob when we were going out either. I was the Queen's guardian now after all and I wanted to look respectable. And as I reached for a pair of jeans, I heard – and felt - some crumbling in one of the front pockets.

I took the folded paper out, feeling kind of perplexed as to what I'd been doing with that in my pockets. It hadn't been a pair I'd worn in awhile, so that's why I decided to go with them today, but when I folded out the note, I half-regretted grabbing these particular jeans.

It was Adrian's dating proposal.

For some reason beyond me, it seemed as if as soon as I "forgot" about Adrian, reminders of him would pop up out of nowhere. After every good day, a bad day came along. Well, most often it did. And all the bad days were concerning Adrian.

Like the masochist I seemed to be, I started reading the love note.

_Dear little dhampir,_

_there are many reasons as to why I would be your perfect suitor. I'd rather call myself your boyfriend though, but I'll take what I can get. So, as you requested, here's my list of reasons why we should be together:_

_1. I'll make you laugh, or at least smile, any chance I get._

_2. I'll give up cigarettes unless I really, really need one._

_3. I'll give up alcohol too – unless Spirit is giving me a really, really hard time. Or on special occasions._

_4. I won't push you into doing anything you don't want to do._

_5. I'll write impromptu poems about you._

_6. I'll unleash romantic surprises every week, such as: an impromptu picnic, roses, or a trip to Paris – but not actually any of those things because now they're not surprises._

_7. I won't touch, or even flirt with, any other women than you – looking is out of the question, since I'm not blind._

_8. You can talk to me about anything, and I do mean anything you want or need to talk about. I swear.  
_

_9. I'm addicted to you, so I'll never leave your side, ever._

"Rose?"

As I turned to face Dimitri, I wondered what my face looked like then, because his expression completely changed. Within a second confusion turned into concern. He'd already dressed himself - probably while he'd been in the bathroom – so he was obviously confused because I hadn't gotten that far yet. The concern must have been because of my facial expression.

"What's wrong?" he murmured gently as he crouched down in front of me – when did I end up on the floor? - and brushed his fingers right below my eyes. I could feel something wet against my skin as he did it, and that was when I realized that I'd been crying. Dimitri was wiping away the tears. For a reason he was unaware of, and for a reason he wouldn't like when he found out.

I shook my head. "Nothing."

His eyes spotted the little note in my hands then, and in an instant, he became wary. "What does it say?"

I think he knew who it was from. There was only one thing that could make me react this way nowadays, and I didn't blame him for the way he reacted when he realized what – or rather, who - it was concerning. He got up from his crouch without another word – I hadn't answered him, and he took it just as one might expect him to: not well.

"It's from him, isn't it?" He was still collected, but I knew him so well, and I knew that deep down he wasn't at all calm. He just didn't want to lash out at me; he didn't want to start yet another argument.

I nodded slightly.

"What does it say?" he wondered again.

I got up from the floor then and folded the note while shrugging, trying to act indifferently about it even though my heart was aching at the thought of him once having written those sweet, sweet words to me.

_The contract's null and void, by the way._ That had been his last words before he'd walked out on me. To say it had been a slap in the face was an understatement; he'd left me rendered speechless. I hadn't know what to do, what to think, after that. My mind had completely froze.

"It's just something he wrote to me once." I murmured, putting it back into the pocket where I'd found it; I had no idea what else to do with it.

"You didn't answer my question."

Dimitri wasn't one to prod, but seeing as I was his girlfriend now and that I was holding a love note – anyone with a brain could figure that out – from my ex while _crying_... yeah, that would surely make him ask about it. Especially since he was such an ever-present topic for us nowadays.

"I made him write a dating proposal after I got back from Russia." I explained, not wanting to lie to him. "Reasons why he would be a good suitor."

"Oh." The tone in his voice was indecipherable; he might as well have been angry as indifferent.

"Yeah," I shrugged again, trying to push the hurt away for both our sakes. "It doesn't mean anything now though."

He still looked unconvinced; still suspicious. "Then why are you crying?"

I frowned. "I made a lot of mistakes with him. Mistakes I wish I could undo, but I can't now."

"Are you saying you'd rather go be with him?" There was a dangerous note to his voice that I absolutely hated to hear. Oh, he was mad. So, so mad. But there was also an undertone to his words that was tinged with sadness.

He was... scared, I realized.

"No!" I almost shouted. Where the hell had that conclusion come from? "Of course not!"

He didn't say anything else after that, and I went back to dressing myself. Avoiding that particular pair of jeans, I opted for an old skirt of mine. It wasn't anything special, it was just red; no stripes or anything like that. Just plain, and boring. But at least it didn't have pockets and contain any remnants of my old boyfriend.

I could tell he was still thinking about that damned note as we exited our room and was making our way to the restaurant where we'd meet up with Lissa and Christian. Like Sonya had once told me, Dimitri and I were in sync. We could easily read each other even without a mental bond, like the one I'd had with Lissa. Although, I'd figured that out before Sonya had told me her theory about soul mates and souls being in sync with each other and all that.

"Seriously..." I told him. "Just let it go."

It would have been unnoticeable to anyone else, but I could see the tiny little frown that settled in on his face. His dark eyes got a small edge to them; irritation.

"It doesn't mean anything, not anymore." I said, which, to be honest, was a half-lie. It still mattered, his words still mattered to me, even if we were over and he didn't mean them anymore.

_The contract's null and void, by the way..._

The edge was still there though. "I have a hard time believing that."

I sighed. "I mean it, Dimitri." I said, feeling a little irritated myself, as well as defeated. "Just let it go."

The weather was nice today, and it was no surprise that a lot of people were out; having lunch, like we were going to, or having a coffee break and just chatting with friends. There was no reason to be inside on a day like today, and it was obvious that Dimitri tried to keep us lowkey because of it; he didn't want to attract attention to our arguing.

Yeah, good luck with that. Neither of us had the temper to pull inconspicuousness off.

Anywho, he countered that he had a right to know how I felt: about him, about us. And about Adrian. And irritated like I was, and having a tendency to sometimes put my foot in my mouth, I told him that it was none of his business.

Clever response, huh?

I hadn't meant it like that, obviously. Of course I agreed with him, but I didn't feel like arguing with him - or rather, talking about depressing stuff - anymore. That morning had been so good... and I very much wanted to have a good afternoon and evening as well with him. And I'd just wanted him to drop it.

He, of course, got mad.

"This conversation is over." he snapped at me, seeing as we were approaching the couple waiting for us by a table outside the restaurant we'd agreed on. But I could tell that this conversation was far from over - we were just having a lunch-break first.

Seeing as it was late summer – or early fall, whichever way you saw it – it was nicer to sit and eat outside. A couple of guardians were stationed nearby; far away enough not to listen in on any conversation, but close enough in distance to be able to protect Lissa in case anything would happen.

So... yeah, instead of good moods they were greeted with a pissed off Rose Hathaway and the ever-stoic Dimitri Belikov, who despite that radiated with irritation. Guess he couldn't hold it in much either. Well, I suppose that I couldn't really blame him – after all, I'd just been crying over my ex-boyfriend. But at the time I hadn't seen things as clearly.

Lunch was a non-event. We ate pretty much in silence - Lissa was the only one who tried to open up conversation; I kept my replies short. Dimitri didn't really say anything, and Christian was just watching Dimitri and I with an indecipherable expression on his face while he ate. That didn't exactly help my already sour mood.

In the middle of lunch, though, Lissa's cellphone started ringing. Her facial expression quickly switched to wary, and in the corner of my eyes I could tell she glanced over at me, as she answered whoever was now calling.

"Oh, hey," she said to whoever was on the other end. "... Yeah, we're having lunch," Another glance towards me. "...I'm sad to hear that... Yeah, I'll come right over. Okay? I'll be there in five... Yeah, see you soon."

Just like that other time, she was called away. I hadn't thought much of it then, seeing as she was the Moroi's Queen now and had a lot of obligations, but I supposed now that that had been Adrian calling, right before he left. It fit the timetable - two days prior to when I left to hunt him down. He'd called Lissa to tell her that he was leaving Court indefinitely.

Like I said, at the time I hadn't even considered it to be him on the phone; I was too pissed because of the fight with Dimitri, and trying to concentrate on my food.

**x x x**

I didn't go down to the bar and casino area like I'd done the night before, instead I stayed put in my room all day, trying to amuse myself by watching some lame soap operas on TV. I figured that it'd be best to give Adrian some time to process me being here, so I wasn't going to bother him today. Maybe tomorrow he'd be more up for talking.

I was sitting squarely on the bed, legs crossed and cellphone in my hands, wondering if I should call Dimitri when I heard noises outside in the hallway. It was late enough in the human world for him to be up now. It was midday for my friends back at Court, and I wondered where he was at this hour. Was he alone, maybe having lunch? Or maybe he was having lunch with Lissa and Christian? Okay, that was unlikely seeing as they only hung out when I was there, too.

_Dimitri, Dimitri, Dimitri._

Right now I desperately wanted to hear his voice, to hear that he was okay. In the midst of all this, that would make me feel like what I was doing had purpose. And it would have been reassuring to know he wasn't mad at me for doing this, and that he was waiting for me. That he still wanted me.

Of course, I knew he did still want me in spite of my trailing after my ex-boyfriend, but it would've felt nice with some reassurance all the same.

The noises – or rather, voices – in the hallway was coming nearer, was getting more and more decipherable, which made me momentarily forget about calling Dimitri. Because one of the voices, the one clearly arguing, I could make out in a heartbeat. I would know that voice forever.

Adrian.

I hurriedly jumped off my bed – almost falling over in the process – before I rushed towards the door and yanked it open. And sure enough, Adrian's guardian along with another guardian – one of the hotel's, I could tell - was escorting him back to his room.

"Guardian Hathaway," Mark acknowledged me as he turned to see who'd come out to see what the commotion was all about.

I nodded curtly at him. "What's going on?"

"None of your business," Adrian slurred. And even at this distance between us, I could make out the distinct smell of alcohol on him. It permeated the air around us.

_How much had he been drinking tonight?_

Mark gave me an apologetic grimace before he and the other guardian, who'd remained the picture perfect guardian, guided Adrian back to his room. They were forced to hold onto him, because I'm sure he would have fallen over otherwise.

I couldn't help but follow them.

They lead him to the bed, and as soon as Adrian connected with the bed, he was out. Just like that.

I turned towards Mark, who was about to leave. "I'm going to stay."

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Are you sure?"

"He's my responsibility."

"I'm his guardian." he countered, but I was sure it was because he didn't want to leave me alone with a drunk male Moroi, even if he was passed out at the moment. We all knew that they often took a liking for female dhampirs, and so I wondered if he was aware that we'd been dating before, and that _I_ had been the one to break _his_ heart and not the other way around.

"You're not the reason he's like this," I glanced over at Adrian's sleeping form on the bed then, and sighed. "I am."

The slight frown that appeared on his otherwise calm face then told me that he understood that something bad had happened between us. "What happened?"

"It's a really long story." I told him. "And not one I feel like getting into right now."

He didn't press on the matter any further, which I was grateful for. "Just call on me if something would happen, alright?"

I nodded. "Thanks."

After Mark and that other guardian left, I wasn't really sure what I would do. Adrian's hotel room wasn't much bigger than mine, and it looked pretty identical to mine actually. His was messier though. Dirty clothes were spread around the room, but not to an extreme. It was kind of like my room back at the Academy had been like. Except for the liquor bottles. There were two of them in sight; one on the sofa table and one by his bed.

But I didn't focus too much on his room. My eyes were rather set on the person who was laying passed out on the bed in front of me. Despite everything – his vices, my actions, his actions – he looked kind of peaceful all the same. It was strange, but a welcome change anyway.

Hesitantly, I laid down next to him on the bed, not wanting to wake him up. I was sure – in spite of his former obsession with me – he didn't want me. At least not in this close proximity that the bed provided. Sure, it was a king-size, but he was still mere inches away.

Leaning on my elbow against the pillows, I couldn't help but watch him. His soft lips, reminding me that he was probably the best kisser I knew; his hair, which I'd loved to draw my hands through back in the day; his closed eyes, hiding his beautiful green eyes from me now... All the little details that reminded me of our golden days; when he and I had been together, when we had been happy.

I didn't know how much time had passed by, but sometime later I found myself dozing off. And eventually, with no thoughts of the consequences the morning after would surely provide, I fell asleep in Adrian's bed.

* * *

_Was it worth the wait? ;)_

**Regarding questions of whether or not Adrian still loves Rose...** well, what do you think? ;)

...Yet again I have a song that reminds me of R/A's relationship that I feel like sharing with you:

_And if all the flowers faded away_  
_And if all the storm clouds decided to stay_  
_Then you'd find me, each hour the same_  
_Because she is tomorrow, and I am today_

_'Cause if right is leaving, I'd rather be wrong_  
_She is the sunlight, the sun is gone_

_And if loving her is, is heartache for me_  
_And if holding her means that I have to bleed_  
_Then I am the martyr and love is to blame_  
_Because she is the healing, and I am the pain_

_She lives in a daydream, where I don't belong_  
_She is the sunlight, and the sun is gone_

~ She Is The Sunlight - Trading Yesterday

I'm in love with that song... it reminds me so much of a fave quote of Adrian's: "Don't worry, little dhampir. You might be surrounded by storm clouds, but you'll always be like sunshine to me." - Love. Mihi.

Anywho, I hope you liked this chapter... and I'll try to get the next one up asap! :)

**What do you think will happen when they both wake up? How will Adrian react? And what will Rose do?**

_Please leave a lil comment! It'll only take a sec, and it'd mean the world to me. x3 Thank you :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Hmm... first off, I wanna say THANK YOU.! The response this story is getting is... well, pretty overwhelming! x3 As is the response for "In Search of Peace", which I updated a few days ago. Forgot to say that there, unfortunately. :/ I clearly have too much on my mind. Too many plot bunnies circulating in my head. It's good for you, but... well, I suppose it's good for me, too. Nevermind. x)

**RozaDimka**: Thank you very much for the song advice! I love it! :D

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 5**

That night I had the strangest dream. I was on a ship out at sea, and the waves were crashing madly against the ship's sides. The whole thing was rocking and the crew on board were clearly all drunk. No one really seemed to know what they were doing, neither did I. I stumbled across deck, passing fellow crew members who's faces were blurry to my eyes. The smell of alcohol was everywhere and it made me feel kind of nauseous. So not before long I was leaning over the railing throwing up, both because of the rocking and the toxic air around me.

When I eventually woke up I found myself not on board a ship, instead I had one of Adrian's arms laying over me. My breath caught at seeing him in such close proximity; his face was right in front of my own. Thankfully his eyes were still closed, which meant he was still sleeping. Still unaware of my presence.

I knew from experience that he was a heavy sleeper, and I couldn't be more grateful for that right now. Who knew how he'd react if he did wake up now and see me laying beside him in his bed? I doubted he'd be happy. That was as unlikely as Dimitri being happy about me being here, especially in this situation: in Adrian's bed. What was most likely to happen was him freaking out, yelling at me, and maybe even push me off the bed.

Okay, he wasn't like that... at least, he hadn't been before. But who knew with this alternate, cold-hearted version of Adrian? He might not have any problems with pushing girls - or _me_ at least - out of bed and onto the hard floor. This Adrian surely wouldn't feel what I was feeling now. He wouldn't feel the tingling inside I felt of just having him so close by, he wouldn't be catching his breath when he realized we were only a breath away from each other... He wouldn't respond to me, would he?

How would I change that? _Could_ I even change that? Was there still a way for me to penetrate that wall he'd built for me? Did I still matter to him, if only a little?

There were too many questions to focus on at once. All I knew was that Adrian wouldn't be happy when he found out that I was in his room, and that I'd stayed the night. That was the only thing I could be sure about now. So, holding my breath, I hesitantly, slowly, grabbed the arm he had over me and laid it to his side.

He didn't wake up from it, just as I'd expected, and he didn't even stir from the movement. He didn't wake up until a little later, at which point I'd sat myself up instead of laying right next to him. A little precaution was needed with him after all, and I really didn't want to be pushed off a bed.

"Go away," he groaned suddenly from underneath the blankets, alerting me that he was finally awake. Somewhere in the middle of the night we'd - or rather, he'd - managed to cover himself with the duvet. Had he grabbed them in his sleep, or had he woken up and _then_ covered himself with it? If he had woken up, then he'd seen me. He knew I was in his room, in his bed...

And he hadn't pushed me away.

Although, considering his next words my theory of him waking up earlier got, more or less, shattered...

"Did you stay the night in my room?" he wondered, naturally sounding a bit sleepy. There was surprise in his voice, but also another emotion I couldn't quite decipher. It almost sounded like... well, he wasn't annoyed at least. That was pretty much the gist of what I could read from his emotions.

When I didn't answer, he groaned. "Please don't tell me anything happened."

"What?" I exclaimed, surprised both by what he implied and the, more or less, neutrality in his voice and expression. Despite the slight frown on his face he didn't show any other signs of disapproval. If I hadn't known any better I'd have thought he actually didn't mind seeing me here. Next to him. In his bed. As if this was just an ordinary day, almost.

"Did you and I...?" he looked at me a bit warily.

Was this his exhaustion talking or did he seriously not have a grudge against me anymore? Had I just imagined his hostility earlier or what was I missing here? What had changed?

"Oh, no!" I cried out, feeling slight warmth rush up to my cheeks. "No, we didn't."

He considered it, looking thoughtful as he scrambled out of bed, having to fight his way out from the duvet a little. He'd managed to somehow twist his legs in it. But as he walked over to the bathroom once he'd released himself he kept turning his head and glancing back at me. Apparently he didn't know how to treat me right now. To be honest I was just happy that he wasn't shouting at me.

"Look, Rose," he sighed, stopping by the treshold leading into the bathroom, a hand on the door. He was clearly frustrated now as he drew his free hand roughly through his disheveled hair. "What do you want? Just tell me what it is, so you can go back to Lissa and your guy." He frowned at the last words.

I don't really know why I did it, but a part of me decided to be cheeky. "I'm going to follow you until you love me."

He rolled his eyes. "Nice try."

"I'm serious." Actually, I kind of was.

His eyes diverted to the wine bottle on the sofa table then, which he, with a small shrug, went over to. "I don't believe you," he sang as he picked the bottle up to take a swig from it.

But what he hadn't counted on was me and my speed. I flew forward, grabbing a hold of it right as the neck touched his lips, immediately jerking it away from him.

"What the hell did you do that for?" he exclaimed.

"No more drinking," I told him, holding the bottle at arm's length.

He tried to dodge me and get to the wine, but he sorely underestimated me and my skills. I stepped back again as he tried to go for it, but after another failed attempt he just looked me over. The frown on his face deepened, and I saw that he realized that he wouldn't get his damn wine bottle back. There was no way in hell that that was going to happen on my watch. He couldn't run anymore, he couldn't escape reality anymore.

This was here, and this was now.

He groaned. "What do you want from me? Can't you just leave me alone already?" he cried, frustration on the verge of anger coloring his voice. "I thought it was perfectly clear that I don't want to talk to you."

I didn't budge. "But we need to talk about this, Adrian." I pushed.

He shook his head, not really looking at me. "I can't be your friend, if that's what you're here for."

I'd expected this, I'd known that he might say something like that, but no matter how much you expected something you couldn't always anticipate your body's reaction. I tried to shield myself from the hurt those words brought with them, but I couldn't entirely keep it from face; it hurt too much. "Why not? We were friends before..."

"Do you know what my problem is?" he said, catching me off guard because of his words.

I didn't have a chance to answer before he did so himself, not that I knew what to tell him. I didn't know exactly what was bothering him, if it was just our break-up that had taken its toll or if it was Spirit's effects that was beginning to show, despite his vices, or if it was both. Or if it was something else entirely. We hadn't talked in so long, but still I was sure that our break-up was one of the main problems for him, since it was still affecting me. While I'd been so gone for Dimitri, he'd been so, so gone for me. And he had been ever since we first met each other back at the ski lodge in Idaho, when we'd been there for security reasons after the Strigoi-attack. He'd come back with us to the Academy once the holidays were over, and I was sure he didn't just come because he wanted to study Spirit with Lissa.

He came because of _me_, hoping I'd abandon Dimitri for him. The studying of Spirit was most likely just a bonus to him, and something to do while I kept being unresponsive to his flirting. None of his charm had mattered to me while Dimitri had been there, because it wasn't til afterward - after Siberia - that I gave Adrian a chance. And that hadn't been entirely out of my own free will either since I'd promised him, in exchange for the money he lent me, that if/when I returned from killing off Dimitri, I'd be willing to date him. At the time he hadn't meant that much to me, but after I came back he really showed me how loyal he was. He was there for me and he didn't push me into doing anything I didn't want to do.

He really had kept himself in line of the dating proposal's rules.

So seeing him so broken nowadays really did made me feel guilty. This was all my fault, and so I had to be the one to fix him.

To fix _us_.

"My problem is _me_." Adrian told me, bringing me out of the slight reverie I'd been in. "Do you remember what I told you, how no matter what you would do to me, I would still keep coming back to you?"

I did, but I still didn't have a chance to speak up before he continued.

"I can't be your friend," he said. "because _I. Can't. Let. You. Go_! I want to, so badly - you have no idea how badly, but I _can't_. I'm addicted to you; your face, your hair, your _voice_..." his voice was getting strained and I could see just the amount of pain he really was in. And to know I was the reason behind it all was really weighing down my heart, and within seconds I could feel a lump in my throat form.

"Every woman I've been with since then..." he continued, looking away from me now. "I keep seeing your face instead of theirs. I can't be with someone else, because I can't get you out of my mind. I keep thinking about you... And seriously, little dhampir, you'd do best to just leave me alone. It's the best chance I have to forget about you."

He paused, trying to collect himself again. "But you being here now..." he trailed off, but he didn't have to finish for me to understand what the rest was. He sighed heavily, turning his head away yet again from me.

Me being here was damaging all the progress he'd made so far, even if the progress itself had been small. Arriving here, forcing my presence on him, just took him back several steps.

But just because I understood what he was saying, it didn't mean I wanted to believe it. But maybe it was just my selfishness that was talking, because I couldn't imagine a life without him. And his words now... that excluded me from his. We may not be anything more than friends – maybe not even that – but I didn't want a life without him in it.

"So, this is goodbye then?" I said, my voice no louder than a whisper. My heart thumped unevenly in my chest, knowing that this probably was it for us. He wanted to forget about me, and I was hindering him by staying here and forcing my company on him.

It was time for me to leave.

So it didn't surprise me that he didn't want to look at me, or that he didn't seem to want to answer either, but it still hurt. My eyes were beginning to burn more and more with every second that passed us by.

"Okay..." I said slowly after a few moments of sheer silence, taking a slow, deep breath. "Well, I'll be going then."

I strode forward to the door, hastily glancing back as I reached it. Adrian was standing – back facing the door, and me – by the window, looking outside. I couldn't quite make out his expression reflecting in the glass because of all the sunlight against it, but his back was rigid. Like a statue he stood there; so still and just as emotionless.

"Goodbye, Adrian." I murmured, wiping the stray tears away as I closed the door to my heart.

* * *

_Oh noes, what's going on! ;|_

Not a very long chapter, but the next one will surely be longer than this. I think. And that was a pretty mean cliffhanger, wasn't it?^^ But don't worry though, their journey hasn't ended just yet. I have a lot more in store for them! :)

**For In Search of Peace-fans:** As I'm updating this I'm at my sis' place, and apparently we won't be back home until late Monday. So... I'm not so sure how much writing will be done between now and then, so I can't promise "ISOP" will be updated before then, but I will be thinking about it and writing a little here and there. Just so you know.

Happy Easter everybody! :D

_Please do take the extra sec to leave a lil comment! It'd be very much appreciated and it'd make my day :)_


	6. Chapter 6

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

Yup, this is getting updated rather quickly, but I've got inspiration for it so... :) And THANK YOU all for your amazing reviews! Made me exstatic! :D A special thanks needs to go to **Ivashkov. Heart** because that girl made me... well, look like an idiot, haha! So... I think I'll dedicate this chapter to you even ;D And sorry for the space, but FFN won't let me put your name here otherwise.

Anywho... here's chapter six of BITL!

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

How stupid was I? I shouldn't have come here, I shouldn't have done this. I was making this so much for worse for the both of us because nothing good came out of my visit, not really. I got to see my prince again, but to what price? I made him unhappy as well as myself.

As I walked past Mark in the hallway, he gave me a concerned look, but thankfully he didn't say anything to me. There was no doubt that he'd heard Adrian's raised voice through the door, but I was also sure that he didn't know what had happened or what we'd said to each other. I walked into my own room, feeling unusually hollow as I plopped down on my bed.

Where was I supposed to go now? Home? To Dimitri? Feeling like I did now didn't feel right, I couldn't go back to him in the state I was now. He'd be concerned, and I wouldn't be able to play the part right. Rumors were not uncommon - far from it - at Court, and surely everyone knew by now that Dimitri and I weren't together anymore. Everyone knew I'd left, and that Adrian was already gone. Most of the royals weren't without a brain and they could easily figure out that I'd "left Dimitri for Adrian".

I still didn't want a life without Adrian, but if it made him happier... well, I supposed I had to let him go then. What other choice did I have? I had to go back to Dimitri and stay with him now, and I couldn't allow myself to think about Adrian no more. My heart ached just by thinking of him, and that had to stop. It wasn't right for anyone, especially not Dimitri. I couldn't do that to him anymore, it was wrong enough how I'd treated him before I left for Las Vegas. He deserved better than that.

I picked up my cellphone - a gift from Adrian back when - and started dialing Dimitri's number. But then I hesitated, just before I punched in the last digit. Could I tell him I'd failed, especially without tearing up? Would my voice be stable enough for that, now? Maybe I should wait?

I wondered what his reaction would be like when he found out that my mission had been pointless, that Adrian and I had resolved nothing, which would mean that - despite my efforts to forget about him - I couldn't guarantee anything for us. I'd tried to forget Dimitri while I'd been with Adrian, and that hadn't worked out very well, had it?

Was I destined to repeat the past or something? Would there never be a win-win situation for me?

Maybe I would be more calmed down when I was away from here, away from Adrian... I could call Dimitri and tell him I was on my way home from the airport or something, just not now when my heart was still in an uproar. It wouldn't do any good if I did it now, so close after our goodbye, so I might as well let that phonecall wait a little longer.

I got out my suitcase, laid it on the bed, and then started putting the little clothes I'd used during my stay here back into the suitcase. Being in this situation made me flashback to the night when I left Dimitri to come here, but it was the complete opposite now. This time I was packing to leave behind Adrian, but he wasn't even here as I did it, like Dimitri had been. And this time I wasn't coming back to the person I was leaving either.

I would never see, or think of, Adrian ever again after I left this hotel. I couldn't.

It was time for me to let him go.

After I was done I laid myself back onto the bed - the part which wasn't occupied by my bag, letting all my memories of Adrian pass through my mind one last time. I remembered the first time we met each other, back at the ski lodge, when he was talking to me about the power of scents, and how ridiculous I'd first thought he was. And how unserious he'd appeared to be, how I thought he'd only wanted to get in my pants, and how my feelings towards him had slowly started to change. Especially after my time in Siberia.

I remembered all the good times, and the sad ones too, and as the final realization settled in, that this was really it for us, it felt like a part of me was dying. And I couldn't do anything about it. Despite our differences - how unlike each other we really were - he had understood me. I'd even dare say that he understood me better than anyone; he'd known why I acted the way I had been back then, and he had accepted it. He understood my reasoning and feelings much better than Lissa did, and better than Dimitri did, too.

He had been a kindred spirit.

Somewhere in the middle of my reverie, I heard knocking on my door. My mind moved sluggishly, barely registering the sound, as I tried to come to my senses again. Someone was at my door, someone wanted my attention... But who could that be? I hadn't ordered roomservice, and I hadn't even been back in my room that long. I'd been in Adrian's room during the night and morning so I couldn't have, somehow, gotten myself in trouble with security or something.

So, who could it be?

I fell off the bed as I moved towards the door, again - my foot somehow got caught in one of the straps on the bag. "Fuck!" I hissed, scrambling off the floor, dragging a hand quickly through my hair to get it out of my face. "I'm coming!" But as I got to the door and looked through the keyhole, my heart stopped beating and my arm slowly fell to my side.

Adrian.

He was standing out in the hallway, his eyes searching the door, no doubt wondering if I was ever going to open up for him. And just as quickly as my heart had stopped, it began to pick up its pace once again. It thumped so fast inside my chest I was almost afraid I was going to have a heartattack.

_What is he doing here?_

He couldn't be here... Not now...

I swept my hands over my eyes, quickly wiping away the tears that had fallen during my walk down memory lane, before I opened the door for him.

"Hey," he said a little sheephisly as he saw me. "Can I come in?"

Too lost for words, I stepped aside to let him in. He didn't look at me, instead his eyes diverted and landed somewhere behind me. I turned around to see that he was looking at the suitcase on my bed.

"Where are you going?" he wondered, his voice as indecipherable as always.

"Back to Court." I told him, feeling a bit puzzled by his behavior. "Where else would I go?"

He didn't say anything at first, but when he finally spoke, he looked a little hesitant. "You could stay." he said, his eyes moving away from the suitcase to look at me again.

The way his emerald green eyes looked at me then, the words he said, the meaning of it all - my mind went blank. "What?"

"I don't want you to go." he clarified.

I tried to gather myself, tried to make my thoughts coherent. "But I thought you said..."

He shook his head. "I'm being an idiot, I know that. And I don't know if I'm dreaming or not, because this feels _a lot_ like a dream, but I don't wanna lose you, little dhampir. I never wanna lose you."

His words were wonderful in the midst of my chaos, and a part of me felt like this was a dream, too. He couldn't be saying all this, could he? He couldn't possibly still want me? This surely had to be a dream...

"But-" I sputtered out, but he just cut me off before I had any chance to protest.

"But nothing." he shook his head a little again. "Let's just try, see how we fare."

"Friends?" I wondered, my mind still trying to catch up with what was going on. Was that what he implied?

He frowned. "Not yet."

Despite him making his first move, he still seemed a bit wary. But like me he probably felt that a life without the other would be empty, although he was probably more hung up on me than I was on him. So maybe it was wrong of me to feel happy that he came back to me after what he'd said, right after I'd decided to back away - even if it was unwillingly.

"But we'll try." It was more of a statement than a question, really.

"Yes." he agreed. He didn't look too happy about it, but the tension in the air between us was lighter than it had been before.

It was my turn to frown. "I'm really sorry about-" I said, feeling the need to apologize burst forward again, but got cut off.

"Not now, Rose." he put up one of his hands; palm facing me. "Some other time."

I nodded, looking down on the floor as I did it, feeling unsettled that we hadn't cleared the air between us yet. But that was all in due course, I supposed, now that we were going to try and be friends again.

We didn't say anything for a moment or two after that, and as I chanced a glance at him during that silence, I saw that he wasn't even looking at me anymore. His head was turned down and it made me wonder if what we were doing here was right. Would this help or would it just hurt us even more? Could we really be friends? Just that, after everything we'd been through together?

Was it enough for us?

* * *

_Whatcha think? You like? :)_

I know I said this chapter would probably be longer, but unfortunately (I suppose), it wasn't. I could have made it longer, yes, but I really wanted to end it right there. I think it made a nice cliffhanger^^

Next chapter, as you can imagine, will contain much more Rose&Adrian interaction! x3

PS: Team Adrian is leading the poll on my profile - Adrian: 11, Dimitri: 8 - YAY! Great job you all, and let's keep it that way, am I right? :D

_Please take the extra sec to leave a lil comment! It'd be much appreciated, and I'll even give you a teaser for the next chapter if you do it :)_


	7. Chapter 7

**Characters belong to Richelle Mead. This is just a fanmade story by me.**

What to say but "I'm so sorry I haven't updated this earlier"? I really am sorry about that - you have no idea - but during awhile there we had no internet, so I couldn't update anything even if I could have. And then there's always real-life drama. Thankfully it's over now though.

In the meantime I've been reading a whole lot. Read "Fallen" by Lauren Kate, and now I'm on "Torment" (the sequel) - please refrain from spoilers if you've read it. And I've read a non-fiction book, too - also, besides "Torment", I'm reading a Louis L'Amour-book (it's Western - you know the author D likes?) called "The Lonely Gods" (borrowed it at the local library - just had to! xD). I mean, the name... good god. It was a must, seriously, haha!

I know I said you'd get teasers for this chapter, but after all this time, I think the real chapter is better - don't you agree? ;)

_Enjoy!_

* * *

**Chapter 7**

If I was being honest, standing in the same room as Adrian now scared me like nothing else had ever done before. Hell, I was more scared of him than I had ever been of Dimitri back when he'd been Strigoi. Despite the fact we were apparently going to try and be friends now, I kept thinking about what Adrian had told me mere hours earlier, and about how much I hated myself for causing him that much pain.

He'd told me he couldn't be with anyone else, because all he saw was that they weren't me. He couldn't move on. And because of that, I couldn't move on either. Part of me had, because of my feelings for Dimitri, but there was still that part that wanted to be with Adrian. And I supposed I'd have to come to terms with that part, to let it go. So that we both would be free.

I wanted to move closer to him, to bring his chin up so that I could look into his eyes and maybe make him smile, but at the same time I just wanted to run, and keep on running. Absentmindedly I noticed how my hand was rising to fulfill that need I had, but when I realized what I was about to do, I let it fall down to my side again. Thankfully, Adrian didn't seem to notice my actions and remained the statue he had become once more.

"When is Lissa going off to Lehigh?" he wondered.

Mentally I tried to shake off all those hormones and look at this the way I was supposed to. Things were bad here and they needed to be fixed, not be screwed up or something like it. "Next week." I told him.

He considered this for a moment before his eyes turned my way. "Are you going with her there?"

"Yes."

He walked off towards my bed to sit himself down next to my suitcase. "So you're leaving in a week."

The tone in his voice made me feel puzzled; I couldn't decipher how he felt about it. Did he want me to stay here, with him, or did he actually want to know when he'd be free of me again? When I would disappear from his life? But then again, he had been the one to come to my room and ask me to stay...

"It's undecided." I murmured, keeping my eyes down, not really having it in me to meet his.

"What do you mean?" He suddenly became serious, more so than before, and it wasn't really a side I was used to yet. The serious Adrian – he used to be all fun and games, and not at all like this person that I happened to find here in Las Vegas. Where had that Adrian gone? Was he still in there somewhere or had that been one of those collateral damages he'd talked about back in my room, after my miraculous recovery, a month ago?

I heaved a sigh. "It means it's undecided. Things change."

His eyes turned my way again; I could feel them staring at me, studying me. Maybe he had that same feeling I always had now, like I was looking at a completely different person than the one I'd once gotten to know. That, to him, I wasn't the same Rose Hathaway he'd said goodbye to a month ago, that I'd changed – just like he had done during this time.

Silence hung thickly in the air for several moments. Several times I wanted to say something, to ease the tension between us, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to tell him.

It was he who eventually broke the silence.

"I'm going to head down."

Head down. He was leaving.

"Oh, okay." I said meekly.

He looked at me hesitantly, kind of like he didn't know what to do. "I don't suppose you wanna come with?" The words almost seemed to come with a certain reluctance. As if he didn't know if he _did_ want me to come with him or not.

I didn't know how I felt about that.

"You going to drink?"

He rolled his eyes at me. "What do you think you do in a bar?"

Crossing my arms, I frowned. "Really, at this hour?"

"Yup."

Didn't he see how badly it was for him, how run-down he'd become?

"If we're going to be friends, you can't drink like that." I warned. "I won't allow it. You want me to stay, you stop drinking."

One of his eyebrows rose. "Since when are you in a position to make demands?"

Since I love you; since I knew you loved me, too. And still do, deep down. "Since you told me you wanted me to stay."

He shook his head. "Not good enough, little dhampir." he got up from my bed, passing me as he headed towards the door. "Not good enough at all."

Right as he grabbed the doorknob, I sighed in defeat. "Fine," I conceded, just because I didn't want him to leave again. "Wait. I just need to change clothes, alright?"

He turned around and looked me over - standing there in my pj's - with an indecipherable look on his face. "Okay."

I opened up my suitcase and started rummaging through it while Adrian stood still by the door, watching me throw some garments to the side until I eventually settled with a simple blank tank top and a pair of jeans.

"I'll be right back," I murmured before I headed into the bathroom to change. But once I closed the door between us, I realized I was actually kind of offering him a way to get away from me, if he wanted to. I mean, it occurred to me that I could've actually changed my clothes still in my room - he'd already seen all of me. Although, I was fairly certain that wouldn't have helped us any - he'd probably still be on edge with me, maybe even more so if I'd done that.

As I eventually exited the bathroom I found him standing by my suitcase. His back was to me, so I couldn't see what he was doing, but seeing him there didn't feel right. At all.

Something was up.

"Ready?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow at him as he turned around.

He merely nodded, his face completely void of emotion. That blank, neutral look on his face was kind of scary - mostly because it didn't resemble the one I'd used to know - but that was how he was now, more or less. What I didn't get, though, was what was up with him now. Should I ask? I considered it for a moment, but then again, this wasn't my Adrian after all. And we weren't that close anymore.

"Let's go then."

As I walked out of my room, I noticed Mark standing on guard right next to the door. He didn't say anything, but he did raise an eyebrow as he saw me. He had to be wondering what was going on, but once Adrian came out into the hallway, too, and without another word began to walk towards the elevator, he just followed suit. As did I. After all, I'd told him I'd go with him downstairs.

So the day was spent by the casino – I watched how Adrian gambled, gambled, and then gambled some more – until he finally gave up and headed over to the bar. I didn't say much, merely just watched him and tried to figure out what to do about him.

Obviously he was still in my life, and I wasn't leaving this place. _Yet_. But I had to get things back to the way they used to be – at least somewhat. Make him lower the shield he had around me and realize that us parting ways – but remain as close friends - was the best thing we could do. It was for everyone's sake, even Lissa and the others. Surely they didn't like that Adrian and I weren't talking to each other - since we had the same circle of friends - and all the drama that always seemed to circulate around me concerning the messed up triangle that was him, Dimitri and I.

This had to get fixed. Soon.

Watching him play black jack and poker was okay. Mark had held his distance, leaning against a pole not too faraway, as had I. He still didn't know our history together, but obviously he could tell that there was something going on (or had been going on before) between the two of us. Either way, it didn't refrain him from cracking a joke. Well, make a bet with me.

Leaning in, but still keeping his eyes on the lookout for any suspicious behavior, he said: "I'll bet you fifty bucks he won't win anything tonight."

I gave him a sideways glance, noticing a smirk on his face. "What?"

"Fifty bucks he'll lose."

My eyes diverted from a still-smirking Mark to Adrian at the poker table, head hanging low and with eyebrows furrowed together. After awhile his head rose, and he folded, laying the cards down on the table.

I thought about it.

Here in Las Vegas I was forced to deal with this tough-hearted Adrian, and being away from Dimitri and Lissa and all my other friends for God-only-knows how long, so as the opportunity struck to have some simple fun, I figured I'd take it without another moment's hesitation. After all, the next few days weren't set in stone to be pleasant.

"You're on." I whispered as I leaned towards him, smirking, too.

Hands extended, and we shook hands. It was so on, and I was so going to win this. Mark and I watched him play for hours – sometimes folding, sometimes even going as far as all-in – and all the while I was hoping he wouldn't lose.

"Hope you got cash on you." Mark taunted one of the times Adrian decided to go all-in, pushing all his chips forward on the table.

"You wish," I replied levelly, eyeing Adrian. He looked more relaxed now, but still enough on edge to make me almost pray to God he wouldn't lose this round. "But your money's mine tonight, bitch."

_Come on, come on..._

There were three players left at the table, one of them being Adrian. From this distance I could never see what cards he had, so I had to rely on reading his expressions. But reading people had never really been my thing, so of course I failed now. Like I always did. I took things at face value, and acted accordingly. There'd been too many people I'd misread in the past – Victor, Dimitri, my mom... but most definitely the man who was sitting at that poker table not too faraway.

Eventually it seemed like Adrian was bored, or that was what I assumed then, since he got up from the table without another word. He just gave up, much to his co-players both annoyance and joy. From the look at his stack of chips, he'd actually been winning. His eyes connected with mine as he rose from his chair, and I immediately understood that he wanted a drink.

"It's a tie then," Mark murmured to me as we headed off after him. "But we've always got next time."

I smirked. "Definitely."

Like I said before, it was okay to watch Adrian gamble because at least he hadn't done what I now – about twenty minutes later, at the bar – had to witness. Maybe he was trying to piss me off - I wasn't sure - but if that was his intention, he surely managed to do a great job.

He was hitting on other women. In front of me.

And not before long some girl had found herself into his lap, straddling him, and he obviously forgot all about the drink the bartender had just given him once their tongues were doing a pretty mesmerizing show right before my eyes.

That girl clearly belonged to a circus, and I was royally pissed off.

My fist struck out before anyone could stop me – not that anyone tried though – and landed squarely on the side of the bitch's cheek. She flew off his lap and landed on the floor, sputtering like an idiot and trying to get back on her feet, but failing miserably - obviously she'd had one too many drinks beforehand. My actions left a stunned Adrian, staring at me.

Mission accomplished.

"If you're not going to drink that, I will." Before he even had time to react, I grabbed his drink and downed it. Out of my peripheral view I noticed how Mark was watching us, and behind that guardian mask he had on now, I knew was concern. And apprehension, considering my reputation.

"Why did you do that?" Adrian wondered. I could see that he was coming back to his senses then, and, slowly but surely, that stunned feeling was turning into annoyance.

I had to fix that.

Just not now.

I got up from my seat without another word. Things could quickly get ugly with us, and this was so not the place for it. And I kind of felt bad for Mark since he was forced to stick around and watch our drama. So I left the bar and hurriedly tried to rush over to the elevator in the lobby before anyone could stop me.

"Hey, I'm talking to you!" I heard Adrian cry out. And in my peripheral view, as I hoped the door to the elevator would open soon, I saw other guests at the hotel turn around and stare at us.

He caught up to me a moment later, and stepped inside with me once the doors opened. And he was quickly followed by Mark. "Why did you do that?"

"It was a tic." I lied effortlessly. "I got Tourettes."

"No, you don't." he said, obviously seeing right through me, but all I really noticed then was the noise Mark made. A light chuckle under his breath.

"This isn't funny, dhampir." Adrian snapped at him, who had regained his composure before Adrian even opened his mouth.

"My apologies, Lord Ivashkov." he said perfectly politely.

That didn't make Adrian ease up though, because he glared at Mark for a moment longer, before he turned back to me again. "You had no right to do that. _You_ dumped _me_, remember?" He said that last part a bit more quietly, as if to not make Mark able to hear him. But of course he did anyway. We were in an elevator after all, mere inches apart.

My heart was beating like crazy, and I just wanted the damn elevator to reach our floor soon. I had to get away from Adrian, for both our sake. Now. But seeing as I couldn't get away yet, I tried to remain casual, but I barely managed it.

"I'm your friend. I'm looking after you, that's all." I shrugged, trying to ignore my racing heartbeat.

As the last word left my mouth, the elevator finally pinged, announcing we'd gotten to our floor. And as soon as the door opened, I snuck out and almost ran to my room.

But Adrian caught up to me easily.

Damn those keycards.

His warm hand closed around my wrist, stopping me from opening my door. "Talk to me, Rose." his voice, his sultry breath, brushed my ear. And it made me feel things and think things that so wasn't helping our situation right now. Deep down, a part of me just wanted to turn around and press my lips to his, not caring about the consequences it'd bring, but then another part told me to run for it. That it was best to flee, because this was only the calm before the storm.

I turned around, back firmly up against the door. And Adrian stood inches away in front of me, and I was painfully aware of how close his lips were. And how close his body was... And how if I only leaned in, I could get at least a physical release. I could distinguish the light air of alcohol around him, but my body honestly couldn't care less about that. It still wanted him.

I must have looked at him like a deer caught in the headlights, because he hadn't been this close to me since when I slept in his room, next to him. He was still just as beautiful, even if he was looking a little haggard nowadays.

In the back of my mind I was very much aware that Mark was watching us, and listening. And our neighbors at the hotel could surely hear us, too.

"Let's talk in here," I murmured to Adrian. Turning my back around to open the door, I let us both in.

His eyebrows rose as he strode in. "If you came here to babysit me, then you can just go back to Court." He said as he went to sit down on the bed just as I closed the door behind us. A frown appeared on his face as he met my eyes. "This is my life; either you accept it or you leave me to my business."

"Why are you being this person?" I wondered. "I know you're better than that. So just stop it."

"I told you, and I will tell you again: I'm not you, Rose. I'm no superhero." he replied, sounding exasperated. "I'm just an ordinary guy with a fucked up life, and I'm dealing with it the best I can."

"But you're not dealing with it at all!" I cried. "You run. You run and you _hide_. Behind all your liquor bottles and your- your cigarettes and the women!" I shook my head at him as painful flashbacks crept into my head, to those times I'd seen him around Court a few weeks ago and how different he'd been mere months prior. "Just stop it. You managed it once, you can do it again."

"I don't need your advice." he spat. "You're the last person anyone should take advice from."

What?

"Since when am I the bad guy?"

"Oh, let me then retell your past, little dhampir, since you so adequately described mine." he was serious, and he was fuming. "You ran away from school, endangered your Moroi. The last person of the whole Dragomir line nonetheless. You got yourself involved with your teacher, probably seduced him. We all know you're good at that-"

How dared he? I was about to protest, and he knew it.

"Uh uh, let me finish." he shushed me. "Let's see, then you ensnared that poor redheaded guy. Mason, wasn't it? And you flirted with me a little – yes, you did, little dhampir. To make your precious lover jealous, and we all know how that went.

"Hm, after that you've run away from school, again. Well, dropped out, but whatever. Technicalities." he shrugged, but the look on his face was what did it for me. He wasn't mad or anything, instead he looked a little disgusted.

"And let's see... then you've aided felons, like your dad said. You've broken in and out of jail, twice. Although, the in-part was only twice, but who cares in the grand scheme of things, right? You got the guy in the end, so who cares about how you actually got there?"

I thought he was done there, and inwardly sighed in relief. But as it turned out, he wasn't. He hadn't even mentioned the big finale yet, the one that struck me the most, and which he knew it would: The most humiliating part of my life.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the part when you were a _bloodwhore_ for a Strigoi-"

Having all that laid out there made me feel dirty all of a sudden. But how dared he? I'd gone through hell to get where I was now, and he made it sound like I really was the worst person alive. Running away, lying, cheating, and selling myself for what was pretty much like drugs. He really got it all, didn't he?

"Just shut up!" I shouted, feeling very much tempted to grab the lamp next to me to throw at him. He surely deserved it. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

He shrugged, as if this argument didn't affect him at all. Or he hid it extremely well... or maybe he just didn't care about me anymore, at all. That thought hurt more than his next words did, "Just saying, I'm not taking advice from a person like that. And the fact you're even trying... just go back to wherever you came from."

His neutral stance only angered me further. "I hate you, you know that?"

"Not as much as I hate you, darling." Was his eloquent response.

My mouth opened and closed like a damn fish for several seconds. "You- you... Get out! Get the hell away from me!"

He jumped up from my bed without hesitation. "Fine with me." But there was an edge to his voice then that almost made me think that he did care after all. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

Either way, he was back to that devil-may-care persona he'd once excelled at, but this version of it was just wrong though. It wasn't at all charming like it had once been. This was him defeated, I had to remember that. But then, even if I knew that, it didn't erase the harsh words he'd just thrown at me.

As the door closed behind him, my heart was a mess all over again. Where the hell was my Adrian when I needed him? Had I lost him already? Was this it?

Drawing my hands through my hair, it felt like my mind was about to explode. Incoherent thoughts ran through my mind, and I couldn't single them out properly. _Adrian, Dimitri, Adrian, Dimitri, Court, Lissa, Adrian, Dimitri, duty, love..._ And then I realized that I really missed my mom. Sure, she wasn't great at giving advice, but she'd put me in the right direction anyway. And that's what I needed right now, just some direction.

But then a moment later...

_Knock, knock._

_Please tell me it's not him..._ Because I was so not up for a repeat of the last twenty minutes or some lame apology again that consisted of him begging me to stay. Once was surely enough.

I flew up from the bed, janking open the door before I looked through the keyhole. "I thought I told you to-!" I cut myself off once I saw the person standing outside my door.

Mark.

I blinked. "Aren't you supposed to watch Adrian?"

His lips twitched. "Yes, but there's plenty of security here. Cameras, guardians, human security plus this hotel is owned by Moroi. They have their own means of security in places like this. He's safe." And then his expression changed. It looked more soft; concerned. "And you're upset."

I turned away from him, but nevertheless let him in.

"Want to talk about it?" he wondered, voice soft, as he closed the door behind him.

I went over to the bed again and sat down. "Not really."

He sat himself down next to me. It was silent for a moment before he started, "You and Lord Ivashkov," he paused for a second. "Are you together?"

"Is that your subtle way of asking if I'm single?"

He smirked. "You caught me."

I eyed him. He looked calm, interested but, most of all, reliable. But should I just tell him? That was the question – _should he know?_ Perhaps he'd understand things better, why Adrian - and I - acted the way we did around each other. Maybe it'd help him guard him better – I didn't know – but honestly, was it even fair of me to tell him about our messed up triangle?

"It's complicated." I settled with eventually, turning my eyes down to my hands.

"It always is," Mark said serenely next to me. "But trust me on this, the best things are always complicated. You just have to fight for it."

I glanced at him. When did he get so wise? "You sound like you've got experience..."

"I do." he said, and I could hear the small smile in his voice. He extended his left hand, showing off a thin golden band on his ring finger. "Engaged."

How hadn't I noticed that before?

"Wow."

He smiled as he looked at me, resting his palm on my knee for a second before he got up. "If you think it's worth it, you fight for it. No questions asked."

Once Mark left my room, I had a lot to ponder over: My relationship with Dimitri, my strained barely-existing friendship with Adrian, and what I should do now. Maybe it was time for me to head back to Court after all. But my thoughts were clearly muddled by my emotions, because a part of me kept telling me to keep going. That Adrian was worth it. And that he deserved it; he deserved to find peace. Maybe he wouldn't find it with me, but I would make him ready to find it for himself.

Time. I just needed more time.

* * *

_A longer chapter this time. You like? :)_

Not my best work, but some parts... man, they were giving me a headache. Like the prelude of their fight... Ugh.

I've recommended songs before, songs that remind me of Adrian & Rose, so this time I bring you this:

_"Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder_  
_ Is there a spell that I am under_  
_ Keeping me from seeing the real thing?_

_ Love hurts..._  
_ But sometimes it's a good hurt_  
_ And it feels like I'm alive._  
_ Love sings,_  
_ When it transcends the bad things._  
_ Have a heart and try me,_  
_ 'cause without love I won't survive._"

~ Love Hurts - Incubus

I think it fits A's POV perfectly, especially in SB and LS. Poor wonderful dreamer... D': And speaking of 'dreams', I've got an obsession with Fleetwood Mac - a band from the 70's - now. They've got a song called "Dreams", which I'm listening to right now even. :3

Anywho... only 67 more days until Bloodlines comes out! :D

Please take the extra sec and leave a lil comment before you leave! Would mean the world to me! x3


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